All in a Day's Work

Today I came to an upsetting realization. Despite the fact that I joke about the place I work and the ridiculous things that go on there all the time, I think I am just as crazy as everyone else. I came to this conclusion when I was thinking about the fact that when I'm alone in the elevator and the doors are about to open, I stick a key in between the two doors as if I were opening them myself.

The second piece of evidence came when I remembered that I often press a piece of Scotch tape onto the back of my left hand. I leave it there for awhile, then remove it and examine my skin pattern on the sticky side and then throw it away. I don't know why I do this and it took awhile before I even realized I was doing it that frequently.

And finally, you know how---sometimes when people are bowing after a performance and they do that flitty hand circle thing while they lower their arm?---well sometimes I do that when I answer my phone at work. And I did do that today when I took the following call from a stranger.

The stranger talked for awhile then asked if I am a lawyer or just a paralegal. When I told him I am neither, he asked, "Why? Didn't you finish school?" I told him I did indeed go to school, but not law school and, in fact, have never had a desire to be a lawyer. "What is your name then?" he asked. I told him my first name (which is of Greek origin) and he said, "Are you Latina?" I told him I am not, to which he replied, "Well, I think you should go to medical school." "OK" was all I could come up with.

After a little more chatting on his part, he gave me his address. Now, I don't really need his address and I couldn't really understand everything he said, so I knew I was in trouble when he asked me to repeat his address back to him. Luckily I had gotten everything down except the city, so I just asked, "What city did you say again?" to which he said something I, again, could not understand. "Rabbledabble?" I asked. "NO! RABBLEDABBLE!" he exclaimed. By which, I later found out, he meant Riverdale. And that was that. I think it may be time for this gentleman to seize the title of Very Good Question Asker.

My Top 10 Childhood Heroines (Or Sheilas Who Taught Me a Thing or Two)

When you're a nerd like me
Raised on AMC
these are the ladies
You want to grow up to be...

10. Sandra Dee



9. Natalie Wood



8. Maureen O'Hara



7. Grace Kelly



6. Betty Grable



5. Lucille Ball



4. Marilyn Monroe



3. Hayley Mills



2. Rita Hayworth



1. Esther Williams





Honorable Mentions: Lauren Bacall, Katherine Hepburn, Annette Funicello

More Numbers

# of minutes spent in conversation about Church Hymns on Wednesday: 80

# of minutes spent deciding whether "Forever Your Girl" or "Cold Hearted Snake" is better: 13

# of times did robot to violin part of "Cold Hearted Snake" while deciding: 1

# of cell phone minutes used in the last 30 days: over 3300

# of people have accosted at church activities this week to discuss my hair: 3

# of those people who were total strangers that I freaked out: 1

# of pics of Mandy Moore's hair saved to computer today: 7

# of tears shed when realized am freak annoying everyone with hair talk: 35

# of dollars fined by library for overdue book: "Clouds Without Rain: An Ohio Amish Mystery" (hmmm, that's not really ringing a bell): 3

# of phonecalls received from mother yesterday: 5

# of voicemails left yesterday by mother using disguised voice: 1

# of minutes before the end of the workday yesterday my boss called and told me "just do these things and then head out early!": 90

# of minutes after the end of the workday still at work doing what he asked: 47

# of times said "OH. MY. GOSH!" during The Apprentice last night: 19

# of dreams had about having Omaha Steaks in a chinese airport: 1

# of dreams had about meeting Brad Pitt, asking for his autograph and receiving not only his autograph, but also a catalog he had gone through and circled things I might like, as well as a portable stereo: 1

# of days I have to return Jury Duty questionnaire: 10

# of matinees will see today: 2

# of those matiness that will star Lil Bow Wow: 1

And I'm off to have a mad crunk time on my free day! Latah suckahs!

I'm Hungry (But Not as Hungry as Renee)

Inspired by Reese Witherspoon's hair in Just Like Heaven (the only inspiring thing in that movie), I used a curling iron yesterday for the first time in about 6 years. Unfortunately, my hair didn't turn out like hers, AND I was told by 3 different people at church that my dress looked like a Barbie doll. Frankly, I didn't know how to take that. It doesn't seem like anyone meant it as an insult, but it really wasn't what I was going for either.

At church, the Very Good Question Asker approached me to compliment my lipstick. I like her. I mean I don't really know her, but she seems quirky and nice. And when she was talking to me, I thought, "I bet she would be fun to be friends with, but now I have gone and ruined my chances."

I could just delete every mention of her on my blog, but then the anonymous commenter and friend of VGQA would always know about it and I would be living a lie. Maybe I could confess to her and ask her forgiveness and tell her that I think she gave a great lesson in Relief Society a couple of weeks ago and that I think she is quirky and nice and want to be friends with her...that I really meant no harm but was just looking for some funny blodder. She seems forgiving, especially after she made a comment in Relief Society yesterday about a courageous confession she had to make in the 8th grade. She could read my blog and we could be friends who link arms and hold our heads back and laugh together. It just seems like the kind of person she is.

So, in summary:

1. Saw Just Like Heaven which I thought was going to be ridiculous. And was even more ridiculous than I expected. Liked Reese's hair (when she was alive and not spirit), tried to copy, but instead ended up looking like girl with hair from 80's wearing dress made for doll.
2. Realized have ruined chances of friendship through blogging.

AND:

3. Washed car myself in driveway. Did such terrible job on windexing front window that can barely see out of it now.
4. Had dinner of 1 box Kraft Mac & Cheese combined with 1 can chili. It was good, despite what some food snobs (Neil) think.
5. Felt my "Name that Song" contest was so important that, when internet failed at home, went to library (unshowered in shorts, t-shirt, flip flops and pony tail) and waited in line to use the internet.
6. Was surprisingly excited to hear Sara Evans cover of Bruce Hornsby's "Every Little Kiss" on album checked out at library.
7. Took 3 naps Saturday.
8. Ate 3 donuts Sunday. (FYI: THIS is the first pic that comes up when you search google images for "Krispy Kreme.")
9. Heard about Renee and Kenny's breakup. Was anyone surprised after she got married in that dress with a giant buckle on the bottom?
10. Carly and I reminisced about the first time we studied together...during which I ate a chili dog and she me told that she was an expert at browning hamburger meat. We immediately made plans to move in together.

The End.

Name That Song

The Rules:

1. Please DO NOT guess in the comment section! E-mail me (see my profile page for my e-mail address).
2. Please do not look up the answer...I really send a prize, so be honest and fair.
3. Previous winners may still play.
4. Be the FIRST to e-mail me with the correct song title & artist and win.
Good Luck!

This month's lyric is:

"Can you look out the window without your shadow getting in the way?"

O Mi'Amica Cara!

Tanti auguri a te!

Spero che ricevi tutti dei tuoi desideri oggi. Spero che tu incontri Bono oggi, questa e il mio desiderio per te. Se l'averai visto, dici a lui "Ti Amo" molte volte e forsi lui indossa overalls rosso (come il tuo sogno). (Anche spero che nessuno che potere parlare italiano molto bene legge questa perche non ricordo molto.)

Sei non e vecchia ma sarai giovane tutti tuoi giorni.

Se saro in Tucson, bacchi tu dalla testa. Solo Mike puo baciare la tua bella bocca (anche non voglio baciati come questa).

Mi dispiace che il tuo regalo e piu tardi. Spero che l'arriva in breve tempo.

Ti voglio benissimo. Tanti Auguri, Tanti Auguri, Tanti Auguri!

Business in the Front, Party in the Back

This morning I got in the elevator and there was a really tall woman with a really serious mullet in there with me. I tried not to stare but her hair was like this in the front:



and SUPERLONG in the back..which I know is the definition of a mullet--but hers was unusually short AND unusually long.

She had on some cute sandals and when I told her I liked them, she scooted over to me and whispered, "Payless, Girl!" But I have learned my lesson about Payless sandals. They may be cheap but because they are cheap they are prone to stinkiness. I have had many an instant message conversation with Carrie that went something like:
M: "Hyd?" C: "G, but I'm wearing my MBC's (Montego Bay Club Collection) today, so watch out."

The thing is, the mullet lady probably wasn't too impressed with my hair either. Monday I came back to a house with no air conditioning and it was HOT in there. We are getting a new unit today, but for the last 2 nights I have showered at night and slept with wet hair. So my hair has been really soft because I have no product in it, but that also means it's pretty flat. Luckily I can give it a little poof by sporting my sunglasses as a headband all day at work.

And even after all my blog talk (and non-blog talk) about my hair, I STILL haven't had a haircut. I really should just do something about it since I was even tempted by an email that came out over my ward listserve today from a girl who will cut your hair for $5. (And I think I probably look like I NEED a haircut since I was asked recently, "Is it because of money? Because I can give you some money.")

Lastly, speaking of party in the back, I would like to welcome back to blogging from his 2 month hiatus, the one and only Skewedview (who had a ponytail for years).

Happy Birthday, Boss.

There once was a man named Neil.
For him, today's a big deal.
His birthday has come.
Now give him some rum
To go with his home-cooked meal.

Stuck on you like a bad tattoo,
The Trailer Park Gourmet

Do You Think I'm Crazy?

-Today I got an email from Jesus and all it said was "I know you are ready." I don't know exactly what He meant, but it made me feel good.

-Also today I saw a man in the grocery store with a T-shirt on that said "My Tax Lady Loves Me" with a Glamour Shot of his Tax Lady on it.

-Last night, before I realized what I was saying, I told a friend of mine her chest looked good in the shirt she was wearing.

-I got a lot of reading done during my 10 hours at the pool over Labor Day Weekend. It was sort of hard to concentrate yesterday though with the 10-year-old, earring-wearing, male Asian twins next to me who were sharing an iPod and singing along with "Hit Me Baby One More Time" over and over as they gradually scooted their lounge chairs closer to me.

-I was almost late to church on Sunday because I couldn't tear myself away from the mixed CD I was listening to in the car.

-This weekend I rented "What the Bleep Do We Know?" from Blockbuster.

-I LOVE Milky Way Midnight candy bars, but I prefer just to call them Milky Way Darks. Even though Milky Way Darks are my favorite, I have a Bite Size Snickers every night before I go to sleep. Did you know you can talk for an hour and a half about only candy bars without running out of things to say?

-I regularly get static interference on my computer speakers. But for the last couple of weeks, I only get get static noise that sounds like the tune of "The William Tell Overture."

-My boss considers it unacceptable when he calls in and I tell him he has no messages.

-I have made a blogpatrol tracking spreadsheet in Excel which occupies a lot of my time.

Vote for my Ringtone

After getting a new cell phone, I lost my old ringtone-- the theme from "I Dream of Jeannie." Now I have a new phone and am currently using the "Shanghai" ring which is nothing to be proud of.

Help me! I have so many choices, I can't decide on a new ringtone. I need to spend my $2.49 wisely so take a minute and imagine my phone bursting out into one of the following (and you know some would be funny) and then vote for your choice (or if you have any suggestions I will check if they are available) from those I've narrowed it down to:

1. Baby Hold On - Eddie Money
2. Baby One More Time - Britney
3. Celebration - Kool & the Gang
4. Crazy in Love - Beyonce
5. Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car - Billy Ocean
6. Heart of Glass - Blondie
7. Hey Ya - Outkast
8. Hungry Eyes - Eric Carmen
9. I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) - The Proclaimers
10. Raise Up - Petey Pablo
11. Rock Your Body - Justin Timberlake
12. She Works Hard for the Money - Donna Summer
13. Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson
14. This is Such a Pity - Weezer