When Carly and I worked together at the RB in college, one of our favorite past times was writing Roses are Red poems for each other. I really wish I could share the cream of the crop with you, however most of those are not appropriate for publishing online. Anyway...here are a few of the remaining at-least-somewhat-appropriate ones-- some by me, some by Carly. Names have sometimes been coded, changed or omitted to protect the innocent (or Carly and me).
Roses are red
I wear my overalls daily.
Roots is a novel
written by Alex Haley.
Roses are red
We like our men fat
We'll just feed 'em lots of CG's
and they'll turn out like that.
Roses are red
My face is pallid and wan.
If I need to throw up,
I'll just run to the john.
Roses are red
our work calendar sucks.
I think on The Real World
There should be many more Pucks.
Roses are red
I like lots of boys
I love 'em and leave'em
And treat 'em like toys.
Roses are red
I'd go eat some worms
but they are so slimy
and full of those germs.
Roses are red
XXX XXX's legs are so hairy.
If he doesn't hide them,
he never will marry.
Roses are red
I used to like Bill.
But that was so stupid
'cause now look how I feel.
Roses are red
I saw you kiss Opie.
And now when you see him
you feel really dopey.
Roses are red
I never read Ethan Frome
But I tell you one thing
I've got stinky-feet syndrome.
Roses are red
Bill is a pity.
'Cause he could have had you,
but he chose Salt Lake City.
Roses are red
Mike is a cutie.
He's better than Matt
despite his inferior booty.
Roses are red
Donettes are my fave
Second only to CG's
Thank Heavens for Dave.
Roses are red
Matt is definitely a hottie
'cause he has a really cute face
and a damn sexy body.
Roses are red
My favorite males here at work
are Rudy and Micah
but not Doug--he's a jerk.
Roses are red
We are so freakin' funny
but enough to do stand-up
and earn lots of money.
Roses are red
We are the queens of stalking
Sometimes we stand around
or pretend that we're walking.
Roses are red
I'm sittin' here eatin'
The first Batman movie
starred Michael Keaton.
Roses are red
Beck is a stud
When dirt gets real wet
they start calling it mud.
Roses are red
I'm going to Beck
I wonder if I'll get
to go backstage and neck?
Roses are red
Your pants are shiny not denim.
They turned XXXX XXXX's head
or is it what's in 'em?
Roses are red
I rhyme like Adam Sandler
If Jobdirect doesn't work
I'll be a panhandler.
Roses are red
I need to get in shape.
Do you think I could do it
with saran wrap and scotch tape?
Roses are red
I'm too lazy for thin thighs.
I need a personal trainer
who'll hit me when I eat pizzapies.
Roses are red
monkeyboy is old news
'cause he's against our philosophy
of sex, drugs and booze.
Roses are red
today at one-thirty
I wanted to hug you
'cause you are so perty.
Roses are red
if we sit under the stars
we will fall in love
and neck in parked cars.
Roses are red
those Hansons are cute.
they sing and they play
and are pretty to boot.
Roses are red
you love your teacher
but it could be much worse
he could be a preacher.
Roses are red
Monkeyboy sucks
I'll bet he likes barbies
rather than trucks.
Roses are red
I have a bad farmer's tan
from frying in the sun
like an egg in a pan.
Roses are red
I need thousands of dollars
but I like hard workers
with blue, not white collars.
Roses are red
I'm sick of my classes
there's a box in the JKHB
for donating eyeglasses.
Roses are red
I love Al Green.
his songs get me hot
if you know what i mean.
Roses are red
Indigo Girls: lesbian
you say you're a drama queen
but I say "master thespian."
Roses are red
like Opie's red hair
i must have been smoking
when we had our affair
Roses are red
Rudy's in the Bronx
Let's hope there are no women there
or that they live like monks.
Roses are red
I like Britney Spears
She'll be on "Teen Idols"
in just a few years.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Thursday was a BIG Day for Me
This is a photo I took last week (which means that lady is not me, just in case any of you think it might be).
Following his speech, the President came down from the stand, and since I was in the center of the front row, I got to meet him. As my boss introduced me and told the President I worked for him, I shook Bush's hand and touched his arm twice. He said "Thank you" to me...possibly for working for my boss? But I like to think it was for the arm touches.
Following his speech, the President came down from the stand, and since I was in the center of the front row, I got to meet him. As my boss introduced me and told the President I worked for him, I shook Bush's hand and touched his arm twice. He said "Thank you" to me...possibly for working for my boss? But I like to think it was for the arm touches.
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Thursday, June 16, 2005
One Day Early
Because I won't have internet access tomorrow, I've pushed up the Name that Song day to the 16th this month.
Be the first to EMAIL ME (see my profile page for email address) with the correct artist and song title to win a smashing prize. Good luck.
Name this song:
So draw the curtain, honey.
Turn the lights down low.
We'll find some country music on the radio.
Be the first to EMAIL ME (see my profile page for email address) with the correct artist and song title to win a smashing prize. Good luck.
Name this song:
So draw the curtain, honey.
Turn the lights down low.
We'll find some country music on the radio.
Monday, June 13, 2005
Why do you want to see this crap so much, Missy?
This was what my 5-year-old brother said to me yesterday regarding Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I'm not saying it wasn't crap, but I found it to be entertaining crap and I liked it--even if it does have freaky Angelina who wore Billy Bob's blood around her neck and denied an incestuous relationship with her brother even though they look like this, or Mr. Pitt who is clearly not in anyone's good graces right now, well except for the brother-kisser's. But I have a hard time hating him ever since Schatze turned me on to the way he eats. But I'm not too hard to please anyway when it comes to movies--or at least I'm no movie snob like my brother.
I wonder what his opinion would be of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. A few years ago, Roxy introduced me to the book. It was cute and I, in turn, gave it to my 13-year-old sister. Needless to say, we were excited for the movie to come out. I was able to resist Roxy & Camelio's invitation to fly out for opening night, and when I did see it here, I was 1 of only 4 people who left the theater with dry eyes. Since then, I have received a recorded voice message from the actresses in the film, as well as 2 Sisterhood e-cards, courtesy of Schatze and Pickles. Maybe we are all obsessed, but that's nothing new for me. You should check it out. Laugh. Cry. Share the Pants.
Speaking of celebrities, on Sunday at the munch and mingle I was able to meet the anonymous commenter and friend of VGQA from a couple of posts back. Actually meeting someone who stumbled on to my blog immediately after I saw the blonde-ticket-avoiding-testimony-girl from the same post at the symphony on Friday night made me realize I need to be a little more careful about whom and what I write. Maybe my ward better be off limits--although I'm really cutting off a valuable resource with that one. ouch.
I wonder what his opinion would be of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. A few years ago, Roxy introduced me to the book. It was cute and I, in turn, gave it to my 13-year-old sister. Needless to say, we were excited for the movie to come out. I was able to resist Roxy & Camelio's invitation to fly out for opening night, and when I did see it here, I was 1 of only 4 people who left the theater with dry eyes. Since then, I have received a recorded voice message from the actresses in the film, as well as 2 Sisterhood e-cards, courtesy of Schatze and Pickles. Maybe we are all obsessed, but that's nothing new for me. You should check it out. Laugh. Cry. Share the Pants.
Speaking of celebrities, on Sunday at the munch and mingle I was able to meet the anonymous commenter and friend of VGQA from a couple of posts back. Actually meeting someone who stumbled on to my blog immediately after I saw the blonde-ticket-avoiding-testimony-girl from the same post at the symphony on Friday night made me realize I need to be a little more careful about whom and what I write. Maybe my ward better be off limits--although I'm really cutting off a valuable resource with that one. ouch.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Monday, June 06, 2005
Party Like It's 1999
After I wrote in my last post that I had gone out the night before in a nightgown with a chocolate ice cream stain on it, I proceeded to spill more chocolate ice cream down the front of my pink sweater that night. So it's no wonder that at our annual summer cookout on Saturday night, as Neil passed out his delicious blondie (and by delicious blondie I don't mean Debbie Harry) desserts, he cautioned me to be careful not to spill salsa on my white pants. And he didn't even know that I had gone to Target that day with a huge dirt stain across my shirt.
Other than apparently eating like a slob the entire time, I had a great weekend. During my pre-ice-cream-stained Thursday night, I saw the very good question asker at a bridal shower and seriously considered going home and deleting the post I had written about her. I could barely respond to her because all I was thinking about was how I had written about her on my blog. And how she reads blogs. And has now read Kacy's & Christian's. And how she is just one step away from finding me out. And now I have pictures of myself on my blog...
Friday, I saw A Midsummer Night's Dream at an outdoor theater where I was even entertained with a heated argument on the row in front of me during intermission. And our cookout on Saturday was a success and everyone who attended seemed to have a good time, even if Pickles and I never did get around to leg wrestling. (Pickles, you are still on anytime--bring your own pants.) However, while everyone was eating and mingling in the moonlight, they were oblivious to some funny things that had happened/were happening behind the scenes.
No one knew that when our first guest arrived 20 minutes early, Schatze was not all the way dressed and had to do some military style crawling under the windows...or that when I went upstairs to find a needle so Pickles could show us a trick, Schatze, Karen and I had a good laugh over our guest who was in the living room all alone and singing "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane really loudly to no one but himself. As we came down the stairs after eavesdropping on the singer, Jonas was at the bottom of the stairs saying, "Where's Marcy and Tiffany?" (And by Tiffany, we assume he meant Schatze)...he then told us that they were taking off and had "lost [the Living Room singer] to the music an hour ago." After which the Living Room singer was just standing there with his hand in the air. What was he doing? Waving? No one really knows...but Schatze gave him a high 5 just in case that's what he was looking for.
Yesterday was not a bad day either...especially after a girl in our ward confessed in her testimony to swearing. "But it's not like I'm mad or anything...it's more for comic relief." After which she told us she usually can get out of anything..."like when I get pulled over. I don't pay for this blonde hair for nothing." And after church, we came home and were able to break our fast (or devour like wild animals) with a LOT of cookout leftovers and shoot the breeze on the deck for a couple of hours, and that, my friends, is a mad crunk weekend.
Other than apparently eating like a slob the entire time, I had a great weekend. During my pre-ice-cream-stained Thursday night, I saw the very good question asker at a bridal shower and seriously considered going home and deleting the post I had written about her. I could barely respond to her because all I was thinking about was how I had written about her on my blog. And how she reads blogs. And has now read Kacy's & Christian's. And how she is just one step away from finding me out. And now I have pictures of myself on my blog...
Friday, I saw A Midsummer Night's Dream at an outdoor theater where I was even entertained with a heated argument on the row in front of me during intermission. And our cookout on Saturday was a success and everyone who attended seemed to have a good time, even if Pickles and I never did get around to leg wrestling. (Pickles, you are still on anytime--bring your own pants.) However, while everyone was eating and mingling in the moonlight, they were oblivious to some funny things that had happened/were happening behind the scenes.
No one knew that when our first guest arrived 20 minutes early, Schatze was not all the way dressed and had to do some military style crawling under the windows...or that when I went upstairs to find a needle so Pickles could show us a trick, Schatze, Karen and I had a good laugh over our guest who was in the living room all alone and singing "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane really loudly to no one but himself. As we came down the stairs after eavesdropping on the singer, Jonas was at the bottom of the stairs saying, "Where's Marcy and Tiffany?" (And by Tiffany, we assume he meant Schatze)...he then told us that they were taking off and had "lost [the Living Room singer] to the music an hour ago." After which the Living Room singer was just standing there with his hand in the air. What was he doing? Waving? No one really knows...but Schatze gave him a high 5 just in case that's what he was looking for.
Yesterday was not a bad day either...especially after a girl in our ward confessed in her testimony to swearing. "But it's not like I'm mad or anything...it's more for comic relief." After which she told us she usually can get out of anything..."like when I get pulled over. I don't pay for this blonde hair for nothing." And after church, we came home and were able to break our fast (or devour like wild animals) with a LOT of cookout leftovers and shoot the breeze on the deck for a couple of hours, and that, my friends, is a mad crunk weekend.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Suddenly, I'm Not Half the Man I Used to Be
I was parked behind Schatze in the driveway yesterday so when I offered to drive her to McDonald's for the McFlurry she was craving, I didn't even bother to change out of my nightgown with an ice cream stain on the front.
And after we got home, I got in my bed and Schatze stood in the doorway to my room wearing her new Bono sunglasses and asking me questions like, "Would you rather kiss Little Richard or Richard Simmons?" She was also surprised that I would rather kiss Vin Diesel than LL Cool J. After all, it's true that the Ladies Love Cool James (but probably not as much as Schatze).
Yesterday, I seriously considered the fact that I have been taking advantage of the casual dress policy at work when, for once, I did dress up and my boss assumed I had a job interview. But that doesn't mean I'm not back in my capris today and just staring at the ringing phone saying "hmmmm" before I answer it.
And after we got home, I got in my bed and Schatze stood in the doorway to my room wearing her new Bono sunglasses and asking me questions like, "Would you rather kiss Little Richard or Richard Simmons?" She was also surprised that I would rather kiss Vin Diesel than LL Cool J. After all, it's true that the Ladies Love Cool James (but probably not as much as Schatze).
Yesterday, I seriously considered the fact that I have been taking advantage of the casual dress policy at work when, for once, I did dress up and my boss assumed I had a job interview. But that doesn't mean I'm not back in my capris today and just staring at the ringing phone saying "hmmmm" before I answer it.
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