We're Longfellows.

When Carly and I worked together at the RB in college, one of our favorite past times was writing Roses are Red poems for each other. I really wish I could share the cream of the crop with you, however most of those are not appropriate for publishing online. Anyway...here are a few of the remaining at-least-somewhat-appropriate ones-- some by me, some by Carly. Names have sometimes been coded, changed or omitted to protect the innocent (or Carly and me).


Roses are red
I wear my overalls daily.
Roots is a novel
written by Alex Haley.

Roses are red
We like our men fat
We'll just feed 'em lots of CG's
and they'll turn out like that.

Roses are red
My face is pallid and wan.
If I need to throw up,
I'll just run to the john.

Roses are red
our work calendar sucks.
I think on The Real World
There should be many more Pucks.

Roses are red
I like lots of boys
I love 'em and leave'em
And treat 'em like toys.

Roses are red
I'd go eat some worms
but they are so slimy
and full of those germs.

Roses are red
XXX XXX's legs are so hairy.
If he doesn't hide them,
he never will marry.

Roses are red
I used to like Bill.
But that was so stupid
'cause now look how I feel.

Roses are red
I saw you kiss Opie.
And now when you see him
you feel really dopey.

Roses are red
I never read Ethan Frome
But I tell you one thing
I've got stinky-feet syndrome.

Roses are red
Bill is a pity.
'Cause he could have had you,
but he chose Salt Lake City.

Roses are red
Mike is a cutie.
He's better than Matt
despite his inferior booty.

Roses are red
Donettes are my fave
Second only to CG's
Thank Heavens for Dave.

Roses are red
Matt is definitely a hottie
'cause he has a really cute face
and a damn sexy body.

Roses are red
My favorite males here at work
are Rudy and Micah
but not Doug--he's a jerk.

Roses are red
We are so freakin' funny
but enough to do stand-up
and earn lots of money.

Roses are red
We are the queens of stalking
Sometimes we stand around
or pretend that we're walking.

Roses are red
I'm sittin' here eatin'
The first Batman movie
starred Michael Keaton.

Roses are red
Beck is a stud
When dirt gets real wet
they start calling it mud.

Roses are red
I'm going to Beck
I wonder if I'll get
to go backstage and neck?

Roses are red
Your pants are shiny not denim.
They turned XXXX XXXX's head
or is it what's in 'em?

Roses are red
I rhyme like Adam Sandler
If Jobdirect doesn't work
I'll be a panhandler.

Roses are red
I need to get in shape.
Do you think I could do it
with saran wrap and scotch tape?

Roses are red
I'm too lazy for thin thighs.
I need a personal trainer
who'll hit me when I eat pizzapies.

Roses are red
monkeyboy is old news
'cause he's against our philosophy
of sex, drugs and booze.

Roses are red
today at one-thirty
I wanted to hug you
'cause you are so perty.

Roses are red
if we sit under the stars
we will fall in love
and neck in parked cars.

Roses are red
those Hansons are cute.
they sing and they play
and are pretty to boot.

Roses are red
you love your teacher
but it could be much worse
he could be a preacher.

Roses are red
Monkeyboy sucks
I'll bet he likes barbies
rather than trucks.

Roses are red
I have a bad farmer's tan
from frying in the sun
like an egg in a pan.

Roses are red
I need thousands of dollars
but I like hard workers
with blue, not white collars.

Roses are red
I'm sick of my classes
there's a box in the JKHB
for donating eyeglasses.

Roses are red
I love Al Green.
his songs get me hot
if you know what i mean.

Roses are red
Indigo Girls: lesbian
you say you're a drama queen
but I say "master thespian."

Roses are red
like Opie's red hair
i must have been smoking
when we had our affair

Roses are red
Rudy's in the Bronx
Let's hope there are no women there
or that they live like monks.

Roses are red
I like Britney Spears
She'll be on "Teen Idols"
in just a few years.