Maximum Capacity

You would think if you were getting on a water slide and the all the signs showing the correct sitting position for the 2-person raft showed an adult and a child, you might have second thoughts about hopping in with another adult. But since the lifeguard didn’t stop us, Neil and I figured we’d be fine. Check out the greenish slide in the background of the picture. This is where we almost died at my company picnic.

The ride on the slide is a short one that starts with a steep descent (sort of hidden behind the yellow tube slide), continues up an almost vertical wall where, after you slow down, you then descend down the wall backwards in your raft, over the remaining small bump, and down the ramp. As we waited for a long time on the tall, scary platform, we watched as the sliders in front of us flew up the vertical wall, reaching about 3/4 of the way to the top before the raft stopped and slid down backwards. I was a little nervous, but mostly excited to try out this great and different idea for a water slide!

However as we squeezed into this 2-person raft and descended the first hill, we picked up some serious momentum and flying up that wall was definitely a scary experience. As we came within two feet of the top edge and saw that all there was to protect us from flying off and descending to our death was a wire, Neil yelled "OH MY GOSH!"

Fortunately, by then we were stopping. We descended the wall backwards, hauled butt out of that water park, changed out of our swimsuits behind a towel, and headed off to ride the Grizzly, which did have a sign warning: "people with large proportions might not be able to ride."

Luckily we fit. But that was before we stopped for pizza.

Tasty Like a Raindrop, She's Got the Look

A few years ago, I went through a phase of doing notecard therapy. Notecard therapy is my own invention resulting from my self-appointed therapist status. I feel like I am a perceptive person and if you are having a problem, I can help you get to the bottom of it!

What happens is:

• You tell me your problem
• I ask you related questions
• I get to the root cause of your problem
• We talk about it more
• I write a notecard with steps to help you and give you a theme song or mantra.
  

A couple of weeks ago, I realized I had a problem that wasn’t getting solved: my clothes are too tight. I know we are supposed to get rid of stuff that doesn’t fit–not hold on to clothes in the hopes that someday we will lose weight and be able to wear them. I understand the philosophy behind that. However, I got married 7 months ago and have been eating a LOT of delicious food since then. I have been in an adjustment period and things will normalize again.......right? Going up one size isn’t the end of the world and I should just be patient because I can get back down......right? So I came to the conclusion that I shouldn’t be too hasty and rid myself of a lot of possessions I love, I just need a little more time.

Then I came up with the brilliant idea to do notecard therapy on myself. My fruitless search for an index card resulted in a homemade 3x5 manilla folder cut-out entitled "Operation Get Dressed," which is composed of the following steps:

1. Drink 2-3 water bottles (24 oz) full of water during work hours.
2. No more cokes until denim skirt fits again.
3. 1 treat every other day.
4. Smaller portions/no seconds.
5. No food after dinner.
6. 15 sit-ups daily (add 5 per week), 2 walks per week, 1 tennis session per week
7. Sit up straight/better posture (for the illusion).
Theme song: "The Look" by Roxette (It’s good! Not as good as "Joyride" but more applicable).

Operation Get Dressed got started 15 days ago. "How’s it going?" you ask. Well, I’ll tell you.

• Water consumption: Not too shabby...not perfect but definitely respectable: B
• Coke Drought: Have had 5: D
• Treat Schedule: Not perfect, but improved from pre-OGD: B
• # & Sz of Portions: A good improvement: B+
• No food after dinner: Good job: A-
• Exercise: Sit-ups: 3 days, Walks: 1, Tennis: 0: F
• Posture: When I think about it, I sit up straighter for 5 minutes or so: D
• Overall average: C- (based on a 100 point system)
  

Frankly, this isn’t very promising considering my morale and conviction lessen with each passing day. Oh well, maybe it is a losing battle. At least this does seem like the most reasonable weight loss method I’ve ever implemented. Other plans I’ve tried in the past include, but are not limited to:

• Wrapping torso tightly in saran wrap for a few hours in order to fit into a certain outfit.
• Getting a "body wrap" ($75). I was wrapped from head to toe like a mummy, doused with minerals and then forced to exercise for 15 minutes while wearing tight bandages, as the liquid minerals and body toxins leaving my pores dripped into plastic bags that were secured around my feet and hands.
• The 3-day diet for obese people needing to drop weight fast to have emergency surgery. This includes following a very strict meal plan with no variation and bringing to work lunches like: 2 hot dogs (no bread), 1 cup cauliflower and 1 saltine cracker.
• Drinking 1 oz. of straight vinegar every afternoon and 1 grapefruit a day.
• Body for Life
• Cleansing my system by eating only vegetables (none white or yellow), fruits (none white or yellow) and meat for 3 weeks and taking at least 12 different herbs/vitamins/enzymes per day.
• Work-out videos such as Bellydancing, Paula Abdul’s Get Up and Dance, The 10-Minute Solution, 8 Minute Abs, Yoga & Pilates, Thin Thighs, and Darren’s Dance Grooves.
• Discovery Health Channel's national health drive which included being weighed in a public forum and receiving a free trial membership to a gym. I went to the gym twice and wandered around for awhile.
  

And I feel I should mention unimplemented but revolutionary diet theories such as:

• Chewing up delicious but unhealthy foods and spitting them out, and then satiating hunger with something healthy (mine).
• Weight loss by body cast (Carly’s).
  

Hmmmm. Maybe this is a never-ending thing. But I guess for now I’ll just keep on keepin’ on with Operation Get Dressed as I go Na na na na na....

I'm Allergic to My Job

I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I started working was the day I got allergies. I'm obviously allergic to my job (or I have a Pavlovian sick response to work). In an effort to ward off Neil's attempts to get me to a doctor, I decided to first try an over-the-counter remedy. All I can say is--Thank Heavens for Wal-itin!! Walgreens brand of Claritin has changed my life. My number of sneezes per day is down to two from about 40.

I think I better put some Wal-itin in our 72-hour kit. Now I can't live without it and have it on hand at work and home and just automatically take one with my breakfast. Our stake is really into emergency preparedness right now and so is our home teacher who looked with disdain on our pre-packaged 72 hour kit and suggested that we improve it. oh and get a motorcycle for easy transportation out of the state if necessary. I'm not holding out any hopes for getting a motorcycle, but I did make a lot of jokes about it when it came time to make a list of things we still need. Neil gave me a moment to change my attitude and get serious about the task, during which he came up with the brilliant idea of getting some t-shirts made for our kit that say: "(Our Last Name): Making the Best of It" because then we could totally be on the news.