Tasty Like a Raindrop, She's Got the Look

A few years ago, I went through a phase of doing notecard therapy. Notecard therapy is my own invention resulting from my self-appointed therapist status. I feel like I am a perceptive person and if you are having a problem, I can help you get to the bottom of it!

What happens is:

• You tell me your problem
• I ask you related questions
• I get to the root cause of your problem
• We talk about it more
• I write a notecard with steps to help you and give you a theme song or mantra.
  

A couple of weeks ago, I realized I had a problem that wasn’t getting solved: my clothes are too tight. I know we are supposed to get rid of stuff that doesn’t fit–not hold on to clothes in the hopes that someday we will lose weight and be able to wear them. I understand the philosophy behind that. However, I got married 7 months ago and have been eating a LOT of delicious food since then. I have been in an adjustment period and things will normalize again.......right? Going up one size isn’t the end of the world and I should just be patient because I can get back down......right? So I came to the conclusion that I shouldn’t be too hasty and rid myself of a lot of possessions I love, I just need a little more time.

Then I came up with the brilliant idea to do notecard therapy on myself. My fruitless search for an index card resulted in a homemade 3x5 manilla folder cut-out entitled "Operation Get Dressed," which is composed of the following steps:

1. Drink 2-3 water bottles (24 oz) full of water during work hours.
2. No more cokes until denim skirt fits again.
3. 1 treat every other day.
4. Smaller portions/no seconds.
5. No food after dinner.
6. 15 sit-ups daily (add 5 per week), 2 walks per week, 1 tennis session per week
7. Sit up straight/better posture (for the illusion).
Theme song: "The Look" by Roxette (It’s good! Not as good as "Joyride" but more applicable).

Operation Get Dressed got started 15 days ago. "How’s it going?" you ask. Well, I’ll tell you.

• Water consumption: Not too shabby...not perfect but definitely respectable: B
• Coke Drought: Have had 5: D
• Treat Schedule: Not perfect, but improved from pre-OGD: B
• # & Sz of Portions: A good improvement: B+
• No food after dinner: Good job: A-
• Exercise: Sit-ups: 3 days, Walks: 1, Tennis: 0: F
• Posture: When I think about it, I sit up straighter for 5 minutes or so: D
• Overall average: C- (based on a 100 point system)
  

Frankly, this isn’t very promising considering my morale and conviction lessen with each passing day. Oh well, maybe it is a losing battle. At least this does seem like the most reasonable weight loss method I’ve ever implemented. Other plans I’ve tried in the past include, but are not limited to:

• Wrapping torso tightly in saran wrap for a few hours in order to fit into a certain outfit.
• Getting a "body wrap" ($75). I was wrapped from head to toe like a mummy, doused with minerals and then forced to exercise for 15 minutes while wearing tight bandages, as the liquid minerals and body toxins leaving my pores dripped into plastic bags that were secured around my feet and hands.
• The 3-day diet for obese people needing to drop weight fast to have emergency surgery. This includes following a very strict meal plan with no variation and bringing to work lunches like: 2 hot dogs (no bread), 1 cup cauliflower and 1 saltine cracker.
• Drinking 1 oz. of straight vinegar every afternoon and 1 grapefruit a day.
• Body for Life
• Cleansing my system by eating only vegetables (none white or yellow), fruits (none white or yellow) and meat for 3 weeks and taking at least 12 different herbs/vitamins/enzymes per day.
• Work-out videos such as Bellydancing, Paula Abdul’s Get Up and Dance, The 10-Minute Solution, 8 Minute Abs, Yoga & Pilates, Thin Thighs, and Darren’s Dance Grooves.
• Discovery Health Channel's national health drive which included being weighed in a public forum and receiving a free trial membership to a gym. I went to the gym twice and wandered around for awhile.
  

And I feel I should mention unimplemented but revolutionary diet theories such as:

• Chewing up delicious but unhealthy foods and spitting them out, and then satiating hunger with something healthy (mine).
• Weight loss by body cast (Carly’s).
  

Hmmmm. Maybe this is a never-ending thing. But I guess for now I’ll just keep on keepin’ on with Operation Get Dressed as I go Na na na na na....