Wednesday, August 31, 2005

And All the Sunshine Banishes the Dark

Have you seen So You Think You Can Dance? Somehow a couple of weeks ago I watched it because I was bored and lazy and there wasn't anything else on. Well, I developed some really strong feelings about one of the dancers: Snow. I wanted her eliminated. First I was telling anyone who would listen about how much I hated Snow..then the following week I found myself voting to keep her on. Go Snow!

Yes, I watched it again. And yes, I even voted the second time.

The show is comical at best and I've got a lot of bones to pick with it. I mean, I hate all the judges, the host, most of the dancers, and the format and length of the show. What do I like about it? Well, I like seeing them pair up a break dancer and a tap dancer and make them do the Mambo. And I get a good laugh over the elimination segment when everyone is crying...those eliminated, those not eliminated but who will miss them, as well as the crackpot judges.

It's one of those shows that's so bad it's good. Like Summerland. And I think I'll ride them both out, at least for the summer.

I'm sad to see the summer go. It's hard for me to say goodbye to the long days, the pool, the tan, the summer clothes...And so I've declared this week "All White All Week" so I can get one last use out of the things I won't be wearing after Labor Day. Actually, no one at work has said a word about my wardrobe choices this week. Maybe they think I'm just going to nursing school at night.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Why You Should Want to Be Friends with Roxy Porthole

She once thought she had a butt concussion.

She is no respecter of candies. When I told her this (because she loves all candy equally), she replied, "Hey! I respect candy a lot!"

I call her Momma and she calls me Baby. She also calls me Sally and Sammy Davis, Jr.

She is the perfect height to give a little kiss on the top of her head.

Whenever she gives you a book, she autographs it as if she were the author.

Her run-in with Omar.

Roxy knows how to have a good time. Every once in awhile we would have "Free Weekend" together--where we could only spend $10 max all weekend. After I won some free tickets to the Legg Mason Tennis Classic by writing some Roses are Red poems, we went and shared a bottle of water that we continued filling up in the bathroom sink. (Hey! that water was expensive!) After cheering for our "boyfriend" tennis players, discussing our feelings about 1/2 mesh shirts and getting REALLY REALLY hot, we headed home via the metro on which we almost got separated. We stood there staring at each other, each on the opposite side of a closed train door. And when the door re-opened for a second, I hopped on and there was a huge embarrassing scene of rejoicing...until we realized we were on the wrong train.

We had a pineapple explosion in her car at Virginia Beach that scared the living daylights out of us.

She calls Shotzy and me "Hot Patrol" because we like to comment when people are wearing clothes that are too warm to be worn in the Summer, like their coats in August at church for example. This is totally unrelated to the fact that every Sunday at church I used to startle her by pretending to lift up her skirt in front of everyone.

She will watch anything on TV. Anything.

I used to highlight her hair, which eventually led to me highlighting her co-worker's hair. But once on a dye job gone awry--Roxy's hair ended up a lovely shade of plum.

We made a huge Easter feast that could have fed about 15 people. We ate it all alone in our Easter dresses in the Living Room at a card table so we could watch "The Ten Commandments" on TV. Roxy had never seen it, and I will say she has now seen all of it except for the last 10 minutes...but that's not my fault.

After Roxy moved away, she mailed me her "mummy shirt" because she knew I loved it.

In the mornings, we now commonly have IM conversations in which we try to outdo each other concerning who looks more ridiculous that day, analyzing our outfits, makeup and hair. Yesterday when I told Roxy that as I had looked in the mirror that morning I thought, "Maybe I don't like being tan and blonde anymore because I'm starting to look like one of those buxom blonde porn stars who I think are so ugly," Roxy immediately typed in the IM window "NO NO." I expected her to follow with "NO NO. You don't look like that" but instead I got "NO NO. They are pretty."

Roxy, IMY. Love, Punkmonkey

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Memories are Made of This

Despite the fact that I have occasionally been called Sammy Davis, Jr. by Roxy, the Rat Pack member I adore is Dean Martin. This may explain why one Saturday night a couple of months ago I came extrememly close to ordering the entire series of "The Dean Martin Variety Show." Having thoroughly enjoyed an hour long informercial from 1:00-2:00am showing clips that made me laugh outloud, I hurried to the computer to log on and check it out. You see, I had learned the hard way back in college about ordering things over the phone.

I don't remember all the events leading up to my making a phonecall to order the video "Thin Thighs." But I do remember that I was not thwarted from my eagerness in ordering nor giving my credit card number to a woman on the other end of the phone who kept asking, "Thin what? You saw this on TV? And how much did you say the commercial said it was?" I'll just end that story by telling you that the "Thin Thighs" video I ordered ended up being TWO "Thin Thighs" videos, TWO "Tight Buns" videos, TWO "Rock Hard Abs" videos, as well as TWO bottles of vitamins sent monthly. All were later taken care of through my credit card claims department. Anyway, I blame the boyfriend I had when I was 16 who told the missionaries at church that I had big thighs (he later claimed this was a compliment) for this whole debacle anyway.

So there I was at 2:15am: Sitting at the computer and contemplating a membership wherein I would periodically receive 3 episodes of Dean Martin's variety show for something like $19.99 a month---probably for the rest of my life. Luckily I came to my senses, decided to sleep on it and never placed that order.

In conclusion, I will mention the strangest and most embarrassing thing I ever ordered online. Please take into consideration that I was 19 at the time, [apparently] uncouth, and what I did for fun were things like staying up all night playing Encore, feeding handicapped ducks and even burning feather boas in half. Okay that was KAREN CARPENTER burning MY feather boa...but what's done is done and I really harbor no hard feelings since we were able to tie it back together.

Anyway, somehow I came across a " remote-controlled machine" that made unpleasant sounds (and I'll leave it at that) on some sort of jokes/pranks website. I ordered it and we had a lot of laughs with it. I don't remember whose brilliant idea it was, but the next thing I knew, this machine was our makeshift doorbell. With the remote control glued to the outside of the doorframe just under the sign that said "Please Ring Bell," we were able to have a laugh riot anytime we had a visitor. Hmm, maybe not such a bad investment at all.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Just Keep Your Eyes on My Backside

In the mornings, all things are trumped by the fact that I want to sleep longer---eating breakfast, allowing the proper time for getting ready, etc. And in the end, allowing the proper time for getting ready usually trumps leaving for work on time. Except for today--although I still didn't leave for work on time, I did not get ready properly either.

I strictly adhere to our casual dress policy at work. But I have learned the hard way that on Wednesdays, when my boss is stacked with regular meetings, I could be called on at a moment's notice to hop in a cab and accompany him or even go in his stead, and so I've learned to dress accordingly. Today I am thankful that I have been allowed to remain in my office because I only ironed the back of my dress this morning. I did think the back was the front when I ironed it and that the back (front) didn't look so bad and so I skipped it altogether in the interest of time. Not until the iron was unplugged and cooled and it was time for me to be at work, did I stand before the mirror and see that my dress was full of wrinkles. But on the bright side, I look great from behind.

I know I have a problem. I'm like a little kid when it comes to going to bed; I just don't want to. I don't want to miss out on any of the fun at night, or, as is more often the case, I'm postponing getting up the next day and heading back to the office. And this is a far cry from the days of yesteryear when Schatze and Roxy used to tease me because I would brush my teeth and wash my face during commercial breaks, all because I thought I needed to be asleep EXACTLY 8 hours before I had to get up. I was obsessed with this down to the minute and would start panicking when 11:03 came and I was wide awake and I knew my alarm would be going off at 7:01. I just don't know where I went wrong along the way.

Anyway, the thing about my problem that torments me the most is the fact that I just don't have time for cereal. I have confined myself to a life of on-the-go-breakfasts of cereal bars, bananas, yogurts, etc...when all I wish I had in my life was a little cereal. Yum. Now if I could just bring myself to stop getting back in my bed after my shower for a little nap, I would have plenty of time to fulfill this dream. And I might even look okay from the front every once in awhile.

Monday, August 22, 2005

What the? Part II

As a follow up to my "God Bless You, Little Grace" post....check this article out.

The World is Collapsing Around Our Ears

I've heard complaints about commercial radio from a couple of people lately. And believe me, I totally understand where they are coming from. Commercial radio is doing us peeps wrong, fo shizzle. However, I would like to name a few reasons why I won't throw in the towel yet.

Kelly Clarkson: The radio is really the only chance I'm going to have to hear "Since You've Been Gone" since I don't really plan on buying her CD. I know. I know. iTunes. iPod. I'm just not ready for that yet. This song came on the radio on my trip a couple of weeks ago and I tried really hard to listen to it, even though I had to ignore my grandmother who was talking to me on the phone at the time.

Radio Contests: I have radio station phone numbers programmed into my cell phone. And a radio contest inspired my trip to the Dominican Republic last year (which I bought myself after I didn't win 3x a day for 2 weeks). But I have won: an REM Monster CD (which is missing), a Billy Myers CD (who?), and Mormon Tabernacle Choir concert tickets.

The Celebrity Scoop: Since Schatze's subscription to People ended and my MSN-Entertainment-article-reading time has almost diminished, the only link I have to Brangelina, Bennifer and TomKat is what I hear on my morning drive or read in grocery store checkout line. (Did anyone see that pic of Annette Funicello on the cover of the Globe??)

Revelation: One morning as I listened to the radio while getting ready for work, I believe I had a moment of inspired revelation which came to me through Roxette and the lyrics of "Listen to Your Heart."

Glen Hollis: After learning that Delilah wasn't broadcast around here, I turned to the local soft rock radio host who does love song dedications in the evenings. His show's motto: "Everything he touches turns to love."




And I ask you: how could it not?





Last week on his show, I heard not one, but two different dedications of "Everything I Do, I Do It For You" by Bryan Adams. When I heard the first one, I was alone in my car and said outloud, "Awesome." And on Wednesday, I sat in the grocery store parking lot, risking running out of gas, just so I could listen to "Lady" by Kenny Rogers. I mean, it doesn't really get better than that.

Name That Song...Continued

Okay peeps...here are more lyrics from the Name That Song that no one has been able to solve.

Hopefully this will bring someone across the finish line....

"Come back again
I want you to stay next time"

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Name This Song

Here are the same rules as last time:
Alright, everyone, it's time for Name That Song again. I would like to mention that previous winners can win again. No one has won twice so I thought I would make that clear. And anonymous readers out there, feel free to play too!

I really do mail the winner a prize, so please be honest and fair and don't ruin the fun by looking up the answer. (Terri, sorry you haven't gotten your prize yet. I did buy it before I left on my trip, but never made it to the post office...going today!!)

The first person to email me (my e-mail can be found through my profile page) with the correct song title and artist wins. Good luck.

This month's lyric is:

A home's the most excellent place of all
And I'll be right here if you should call me

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

The Good Times Are Killing Me

When you drive across the country, music is going to be an important factor. So it's a good thing Neil has an iPod. And because he downloaded the music from my computer onto it the night before we left, it makes me smile to think that someday when he's listening to it in his car and he has it on random select, "The Right Stuff" by New Kids on the Block might come on.

But really I only had that song downloaded back from my days in the CD making business with Camelio Estevez. And I use the term "business" loosely. At EAR (Earth Angel Recordings), we only put money INTO the business. And our logo consisted of an angel sitting in a tree in the sky looking down on the earth. VERY clever. We put out 8 CDs total: a copy of "D.C. FSOF (Frisbee Summer of Fun) 2001" for each of the 7 participants in the FSOF and one wedding CD for a friend, who probably would have been more satisfied with a Tabernacle Choir CD. I would also like to add that on 7/8 of our CDs, we misspelled our own business name: Eearth Angel Recordings.

On the coast-to-coast trip, we made a pit stop in Winnemucca, NV. This is what happened there: I walked into the restroom where a middle aged woman was bent over right by the door when you walked in wearing nothing but her bra and panties. She jumped up and I avoided eye contact as she apologized for having no clothes on because her zipper had broken. That must have been some zipper.

When I came out of the restroom, I had to duck under a large neon yellow pole that had been put in the doorway at chest level with a CLOSED sign on it so the bathroom could be cleaned by a man who looked like this:

So while I was recounting the story of my shocking bathroom encounter, a woman walked right into the huge neon yellow pole and sign. And it was funny. Very funny. Almost as funny as when Neil walked directly into a waist-high pole at San Francisco State while checking out some dude's "backpack."

And as we drove away from Winnemucca, I was given the penance of listening to 5 minutes of Christian Rock for the $5 in quarters I lost in the slots during the redneck truck stop visit.

Now I would like to mention some food highlights of the trip:

1. Sausage Dogs, the Rodmans' house, Newton Falls, OH.
2. Peanut Brittle Sundae, Hickory Park, Ames, IA.
3. Chocolate Milk & Bananas, Fareway (?), Winterset, IA.
4. Tater Tots & Cheese, Sonic, Cheyenne, WY.
5. Salad Trio, Farmington, UT
6. Burger & Fry Sauce, Atlantis Burger, Bountiful, UT.
7. Filet Mignon, Ruby River, Provo, UT.
8. Rooty Tooty Fresh 'n' Fruity, IHOP, Sandy, UT.
9. Dessert Lunch, Kacy and Christan's, Provo, UT.
10.Grilled Cheese & Coke, JC's, Bear River City, UT
11.Buttermilk Fried Chicken, Farmington, UT.
12.Sausage & Prosciutto Tortellini, Pasta Pomodoro, San Bruno, CA.
13.In and Out Cheeseburger Combo followed by 2 Krispy Kremes (but one WAS a sample), Daly City, CA.
14.Repeat of #13.
15.Sausage Dog, Farmer's Market, South San Francisco, CA.
16.BLT, Boardwalk Court, San Bruno, CA.
17.Most Delicious Breakfast Ever, Boardwalk Court, San Bruno, CA.
18.Ribeye, Roasted Okra, Tomatoes & Fruit Cobbler, Boardwalk Court, San Bruno, CA.

Yes, I gained 5 pounds on this trip. And no, I haven't done anything about my hair although it was discussed at length with Carly when she sneaked into my room at her mother's house for some chitchat at 2 a.m. after everyone had gone to bed.

Now all I need is a two-week vacation to recuperate from my two-week vacation.