I am constantly being told I am irrational, here are 10 examples of why...
1. I feel hideous when I'm not tan. I think fair skin is beautiful on others, but it's MY splotchy skin on my facial features that I can't stand. I know it is irrational to feel good about my appearance in the summer and like a hag in the winter but I do. When people talk to me (September - May), I am often actually thinking "I feel so bad that he/she has to look at me." This could also be why I am a poor conversationalist.
2. I cry fairly often for no reason at all. Once while having dinner with my mom at O'Charley's, I started crying so hard that I had to spit out my chicken tenders because I couldn't swallow. She kept asking what was wrong and I really didn't know.
3. I think how fat or thin I look is directly proportionate to the type of shoes I am wearing.
4. Sometimes I can't sleep at night because I think the furnace is going to explode.
5. I constantly worry about the level of air in my tires.
6. On my first day of classes in college, I always chose my seat based on which direction the unflattering artificial light was going to hit me.
7. My practice of trying to stand alone at Institute (see Civility and Productivity).
8. I have actually spent time sitting at my desk imagining __________ and ________ (insert various handsome celebrities' names here) walking into my office together. They both love me and I must choose between them. This is a very important decision which requires a lot of time and deliberation.
9. When I wear a watch, I wear it on my right arm because a decade ago, my 15 year old boyfriend and I agreed that we both always would. Was there a reason why we wore our watches on our right arm? no. Do I think he still does? no. Do I think he even remembers our pact? no.
10. I feel like John Wayne is a part of my family.
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3 comments:
Thank you. I like having something hilarious and a little neurotic to read. I wish you had been MY friend in college instead of Carly's. But we are blog friends now. And Carly can't take that away from me--like Erin took away my Grandfather's candy dish 2 nights ago--But I digress. Thank you, thank you. I never realized it could be my shoes making me look fat.
Sweetheart, there are lovely medications for anxiety disorder (and you may sometimes be bordering on panic disorder) and then you will have had enough sleep to deal with it when the furnace blows up. For me it is earthquakes and tsunamis. Please, please tell us which shoes will make us look thinner.
Shoes and Weight:
Of course we all know heels make us look thinner. But if I am wearing jeans and I wear too chunky of a black shoe I feel like it looks heavy and makes my legs look shorter by creating such a sharp visual stop at the bottom of my jeans.
The monochromatic pant-shoe combination is lengthening and thinning.
I will consider some meds for my condition. Although I did recently receive some "Serenity" pills in the mail. Maybe those will help. I got them from an internet scam I got roped into because I am a sucker.
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