Never Startle Me When I'm Asleep

My grandparents are coming in a couple of weeks for their third visit since I've lived here in D.C. The first time they came, Roxy hung out with us a lot and got to know my their idiosyncracies. I told her they were coming again and she asked how long they are staying. I said a week, to which she replied, "You will need: 3 blocks of cheese and 5 boxes of Little Debbies." The thing is, she is probably right.

Last year they drove here from TN with my aunt. They were going to pick me up and then the four of us would go on a loop up to Palmyra, Niagra Falls, Kirtland and then back here to drop me off. They pulled up in their mini-van crammed full of so much stuff, there was no room for me. My grandfather's first words to me were, "We brought too much stuff, I don't know why." I'll say! As we started sifting through all of their belongings to determine what they could leave at my house and then pick up on their way out, I discovered a very large fan. My grandmother explained to me, "You know how hot J.B. gets. He has to have that fan blowing on him when he gets out of the shower." In the end, we left the fan in my room so that I would be able to take a suitcase on our trip. We just had to put my suitcase on top of the cooler filled with Little Debbies. (Apparently he takes his fan even on flights. He has a suitcase for his clothes, and one for his fan.)

Currently, I'm in the process of finding a place for them to stay. This is trickier than you would think. Last year, I used Hotwire and got them a great room on the water in Old Town for about 1/5 of its normal price. While they were grateful I got them such a deal, in the end they revealed that they would have rather stayed in a motel. My grandfather wants to be able to drive right up to the door...it is "WAY too much trouble to have to go through a lobby with elevators and stuff." So not only do I need to find them a motel room in a safe area here in Washington, but it also needs to be the same price they would pay in Tennessee. Yeah, this puts them about 90 miles away in Richmond. Unfortunately, another motel they had stayed in before was all booked up...but they were really only sad because it is just a mile from the "Great American Country Buffet" (which although about a half hour from my house, is where I'm sure we'll have many meals during their stay.)

The final step I need to take before they arrive is to make sure all our smoke/carbon monoxide detectors are functioning properly. I would place a bet on the fact that the first thing my grandfather will do when he walks in is ask, "Are all your smoke detectors working, Missy?" And regardless of the fact that I tell him they are, he will roam around the house testing each one. He has done it here everytime, and in everyone else's house since I can remember as a child.

I do believe in being cautious and safe, but my grandparents can be a little over the top. I wish you could see the number of locks and alarms on their doors. And on our trip last year, my aunt and I would always joke about and bet on the number of times my grandfather would hit the lock button for the van on his keychain, causing it to honk loudly each time. Usually as we headed in the door of the motel, we would hear 2-3 honks, followed by an acutal door handle check, followed by one additional lock honk. At one point, we had unpacked and walked to a restaurant across the street. My aunt and I headed back to our room first and sat at the window watching because we knew he would stop at the van to check its lock status again. And he did. And he saw us watching and laughing. oops.

Luckily, my grandparents' paranoia has only rubbed off on me in a mild way. I do have fears that any ride I get on at a fair will break down and I will be thrown out or fall to my death. I've mentioned before that I can't sleep sometimes because I think the furnace is going to explode. But hey! that thing is gas and this house is old! Both my roommates left on business trips and I'm home alone for the weekend. The last time I was here by myself, I was talking to Camelio Estevez late on the phone and she freaked me out about being alone so much that I slept with a huge knife by my bed at her urging. I'm not afraid of being alone. Except sometimes when there are weird noises when I'm going to sleep. Especially the ones coming from the furnace vents.

But really, bad things do happen. I WAS almost kidnapped when I was four AT A MOTEL WITH MY GRANDPARENTS. And a couple of years ago, I was walking home from the bus and a man followed me and I had to run and then drop flat on the ground behind a 2-foot-tall fence in a neighbor's yard.

But I did just go to the gas station to fill up my tank at 10:30 tonight in case the prices go up again tomorrow. There is really no rhyme or reason to my fears. But at least I know where I get them from.

Anyway, I'm excited for their trip out here. It will be good to see them. I wonder if they will bring my motorcycle painting. I doubt it, they've got to leave room for the fan.