My Christmas Vacation So Far...

I'll start with my drive home. Mapquest told me it would take 12 hours and 53 minutes. I knew I could beat that. You can always beat a mapquest time. But driving that long is going to require gas and food breaks which I raced through, the sole intent being to beat the Mapquest time. I was halfway home at 5 hours and 15 minutes and feeling good. I gave a little honk as I passed the NASCAR speedway in Bristol. The sun was shining and I was listening to "The Old Man and the Sea" on CD. Then my grandmother called and told me a winter storm was headed my way and when I got 50 miles from home I would hit it, so I should just stop and get a hotel. I'm so sure I was going to drive 750 miles then stop when I was just 50 miles from home. She demanded this actually with a tone that instilled enough fear in to me to consider not answering the phone if she called again. But then she would probably think I had been killed in the winter storm. You see, my grandmother is an alarmist. Once she called my mom at work and told her I had been kidnapped after she demanded the landlord let her into our apartment where no one was answering the door. Where was I? At school, where any good 12-year-old girl would be in the middle of the day.

As I drove along, the rain started and just as she had warned me it started getting bad about 50 miles from home. Because of the weather I had slowed down to 50 mph. I said to myself "only one more hour to go." Then at 40 miles from home, I had slowed down to 40mph. "One more hour to go," I thought. And at 30 miles as the weather increasingly worsened, yes I was going 30mph. I determined at this rate, I would never get home. Finally I did and as I ran down the hall to the restroom, I made my mom call my grandmother to tell her I had arrived because I was too scared to talk to her.

All in all, my trip ended up being 13 hours 45 minutes. Mapquest wins.

My 4-year-old brother hates buttons. I don't know where this came from but all his clothes must have only zippers, snaps and velcro. Sometimes we chase him with buttons to make his scream. When he sits down to breakfast at the dinner table he asks if there is a button in his orange juice. When you come up to him, he makes you open your hands to make sure there are no buttons in it. He likes to call them butts for short. He probably learned this from me and Carly. When he says "fish" it sounds like "B**ch." He grabs my cheeks and makes a fishy face and says "you are a B**ch" over and over while my mom and I laugh until we cry. We are crossing our fingers he doesn't do this in front of my grandmother who will think he has learned it from us.

I found out my mom is more irrational than I am. First of all, her heat is set on 85 degrees. She thinks Ruby Tuesday's is the greatest restaurant ever. "Think of how fun it is to eat here," she said. "They have those delicious black croutons." She also sleeps with her blinds partially open so she can see any terrorists who may try to break in. I guess there probably are a lot of terrorists in Jackson, TN breaking in bedroom windows.

My grandfather asked me how much I got paid and then went around telling everyone. My grandmother told me, again, that I need to watch Brigham City. You can only appreciate this by knowing that at least 3 times a month she tells me I need to watch it, relaying the same stories about how my cousin Ryan said it was the best movie he's ever seen, etc, etc...Seriously, I cannot believe how much she talks about Brigham City. So my mom and I were sitting at her kitchen table and she had her back turned to us and said, "I'll tell you what you should have gotten at Blockbuster." I quickly looked at my mom and whispered, "Brigham City." My grandmother immediately launched into her same stories about it and I was laughing so hard I was crying. She turned around and asked what was so funny. My mom was giving me a dirty look but I couldn't help myself. I just made up something about Ethan and moved on.

Last night we were playing Balderdash after Christmas dinner, a tradition at my uncle Cotton's house. This is always a treat because Cotton is hilarious and loves to talk in funny voices during the game. Last night he was doing his "Mississipppi Delta" accent. And really, what is funnier than people with Southern accents making fun of people with even thicker Southern accents. And my aunt Karen can't win for anything so she just resorts to making us laugh by writing things like: The definition for Shilleebeer "Shumting to drink when you are feeling a little bit Shillee."

So now I have written a really long blog that is probably one of those "You had to be there" things. Hope you all are enjoying the Holidays...

Why I won 20 Questions...

even though Emily declared at the end, "Well I think if we were to declare a winner, it would have to be me."

(Emily also thinks the objective behind 20 questions is to pick a general, easy enough person, place or thing, to ensure the other person is able to guess it.)

Here's what happened. You be the judge...

A little after midnight on a fun-filled Saturday night, Emily and I decided to stop by a diner for some breakfast. On the way there, Emily found the deck of cards in my passenger car door "52 Things to do in the Car." She said we had to do whatever she pulled out, which happened to be 20 questions.

So she picked something first. She happened to pick the main character from the movie we had just seen. I got it in 3 questions.
Marcy: 1, Emily: 0

For my turn, I picked Juliette Binoche. Of course I admit this is a tough one, but Emily is a connoisseur when it comes to foriegn/artsy/independent films. And I thought of JB because she is in Chocolat with Johnny Depp, star of the movie we had just seen. She got it narrowed down to a brunette actress over 30 who is alive and probably doesn't live in Hollywood. A good springboard. She never got it though, even after I gave her the following hints:

in a movie with Johnny Depp, who plays a river rat, set in France, also starring Dame Judi Dench, and she wears a red cape in the movie and her daughter's character has an imaginary pet kangaroo.
Marcy: 1 , Emily: 0

Next Emily picked a smurf. While I determined it was a cartoon character, she threw me clear off when I asked, "is it an animal?" and she replied "yes." Okay how many of you out there think of Smurfs as animals? Exactly. She then gave me the hint, "Ask about time periods" Then when I asked if the cartoon was set in Medieval times, she replied, "I don't know... I don't really know what time period it is." So of course I never got it and when she finally had to tell me, we commenced the ongoing argument of "smurfs: people or animals?"
Marcy: 1, Emily: -1 (smurf = animal penalty)

Next, I did George Clooney to give her a break. We had both recently seen Oceans 12 , and she got it fairly quickly by asking, "Is he in Oceans 12?" Then she just went through the 3 actors she knows in the movie and got it.
Marcy: 1, Emily: 0

Next she did a Christmas tree star. I got it narrowed down to a lot of vague facts that she wouldn't give a yes or no too...meaning it is a thing, smaller than a breadbox, worth less than $10, she doesn't have one but wants one, sometimes metal, sometimes different colors, sort of shaped like a triangle. What? So the triangle thing really threw me off and so finally she said, "think along the lines of Christmas ornaments." I immediately got it after this huge hint.
Marcy: 2 Emily: 0

Finally I decided to do Stephen Tyler. I knew she not might know his name, but any sort of description letting me know she knew who it was would have won her the point. She got it narrrowed down to a dark-haired rocker in a band, between ages 40-60, who had had hits over many decades. She couldn't get it.. Never did, even after I gave her the following hints:

He has long hair, a huge mouth, has a famous actress daughter, his first name starts with S and his one word band name starts with A.
Marcy: 2, Emily -1 (penalty again, for not getting it even after having been given more v. obvious hints than questions answered)

We then paid and left the diner, having had no conversation the entire time except for our ongoing game of 20 questions. We spent the drive home discussing the previous topic, "Smurfs: People or Animals?" and decided we are not compatible 20 questions players.

At Home to Re-Group

I quickly came home because I needed to put a stop to the "Series of Unfortunate Events" that has been going since I woke up this morning.

I went to Target where I looked at a lot of things for my little brother and cousins, couldn't decide if they would like them or not and ended up buying none of them, which means I am just going to have to go somewhere else or back to Target to get their presents. This took an hour and a half including the time I retraced all my steps inside Target looking for the list I dropped containing everything I need to do over the next few days and never found.

I then went to the post office to mail Kacy's prize for my new "Name That Song" contest. I jumped in the Express line and when I was next in line the lady in front of me said to the cashier "Those are mine," pointing to about 35 boxes stacked near the desk. I don't know who let this lady in the Express line but peeps were getting angry. Then I got out to my car and couldn't find my keys. I looked all thru my purse and pockets, just as I had done when I couldn't find my list in Target. I looked in my car to make sure they weren't locked in there. Meanwhile someone was waiting for my parking spot. I went back into the post office and the cashier had them. Normally I am not this scatterbrained.

I concluded that part of my problem/mood was the fact that it was 2 and I hadn't eaten anything. I whipped through the Burger King drive through where the lady handed me my drink with a loose lid. You can probably guess that as I took it, I spilt it down the front of my shirt. My new soft pink fleece that I have been wearing every day this week with my new pink moccassins (both from shopping trip with Carly) and planned on continuing to wear them for the next few days.

So that is why I came home to regroup and rewrite my list.

I can also attempt to put on my new windshield wipers while it is still light outside. Next week, I'm going to drive home (12 hours) and my dad told me to get new wipers and check the air in my tires. Well, being a good daughter, I picked up some new wipers today and even bought valve extenders for my tires b/c I can't seem to get the gauge up to it properly. So today, I'm going to attempt to measure the air in my tires also. Not that I know what the level should be, or even how to add air if I need to....It also worries me a little that I don't know how to change a tire. I don't have a jack or anything anyway, but I think this is something I should find out. It can't be that hard, I watch them do it in NASCAR all the time. And last year when a tree branch knocked out my tail light during a storm, I bought and installed a new one myself. Well, at least I have a cell phone, and maybe next time the home teachers ask, "Is there anything we can do for you?" I'll hit them up for a little automotive instruction.

Last night, I exchanged gifts with a couple of friends. One girl gave us all these really nice ornaments. There were "Angels of ________" and I got the Angel of Learning, who was holding a book. I was thrilled that out of all of them she had thought of me when she chose the learning one. Just when I was feeling proud and literary, she informed that she chose it for me because it had "shorter blonde hair, and you let me borrow that church book once." Indeed, I have been humbled.

Name This Song

A small prize will be awarded to the first person who can E-MAIL me (see my profile page to email) with the correct title and artist of the following song:

"You ask if I love you, well what can I say?
You know that I do and if this is just one of those games that we play.."

Please include your mailing address. Best of luck.

How I Overcame My Fear of Robbers Through Hospital Attendance

My first memorable experience in the hospital was when I was 13. I had an outpatient surgery on my eyelid. It had been bruised when I was born and so for the first 13 years of my life, my left lid drooped slightly lower than my right. This surgery was traumatic for me. After the old doctor with hair in his ears fixed me up, I woke up in the recovery room, caused a lot of trouble for the nurse there, and finally declared to my family that I would never have surgery again.

A couple of years later, my grandfather was in the hospital at Vanderbilt. I went to visit him and when I walked in his hospital room and saw the tube of blood coming out of his neck, I almost passed out. I immediately walked out of the room and laid down on the floor in the hallway.

Then in college, I had a roommate who got her appendix out. I went over when I got off work to sit with her. She was just coming out of the anesthesia when I arrived and was still pretty loopy. And sick. I held the bedpan that she continuously threw up in. Then her hometeachers came in for a visit. When they walked in she yelled out in a British accent, "I'M TOTALLY NUDE!" I held in the laughter and told them it was fine to come in because, in fact, she had on a hospital gown. I did find out later that she was totally nude underneath that gown, when I saw a lot more than I bargained for as I helped her to the restroom. Finally I was relieved by someone else and as I walked out of the hospital room, I started to cry. I called my mom from a payphone in the waiting room. A kind older gentleman saw me crying and brought over a chair for me to sit in and offered me his condolences. Of course, he thought someone must have died with the way I was acting.

Later, however, I did feel pretty good that I had done what needed to be done when it needed to be done, even if I did have a minor breakdown afterwards.

I had always been afraid that when a moment of emergency comes, I would freeze up and not be able to react as I should. This fear stems from two separate experiences. As a child, I had an irrational fear of robbers. (Are you surprised that I would have an irrational fear? ) I felt it was not a matter of if, but when our house would be broken into.

One weekend I was visiting my dad and my sister and I were sleeping on the daybed and trundle in the nursery where my new baby sister was asleep. I woke up in the night and saw two figures moving and whispering outside my window. I knew I needed to do something and I was so convinced that the window screen was being cut that, had there been a phone in the bedroom, I would have called 911. I was so mortified that I couldn't even move. I kept whispering "Jenny" until my sister finally stirred. I told her that someone was breaking into the house. She told me to shut up and then rolled over. It took me about 5 minutes and all the strength I had to push off my comforter and actually fall off of the bed and onto the floor. I slowly crawled to the bedroom door and when I opened it, my dad was standing there. I screamed and then started hyperventilating. He asked me what was wrong and I said men were trying to break in. He quickly ran outside where he found that the wind had blown a chair from the porch up against the window and the flag on the house was making shadows on the window from the streetlight. He had heard me fall off the bed through the baby monitor and had come to see what was going on. My family still gives me a hard time about this by acting scared and saying, "There's a flag outside my window!"

Less than a year later, I woke up one night and was really hot. I decided to go downstairs where it was cooler and sleep in the guest room. I did and was still hot, so I decided to sleep on the floor next to the A/C vent. I laid down and looked up and saw a man pearing in through the bottom 6" of the floor length window where the blinds were not quite pulled all the way down. Again, I froze and didn't move. I just laid there staring, with every muscle in my body all tensed up for who knows how long. The man left quickly and I continued to do nothing. Finally after some time, I was able to get up and wake up my mom.

Basically after these two experiences, I realized that despite Ally McBeal-like daydreams I have of myself chasing someone who might grab my purse and then beating him to the ground Alias-style, I am really a huge wimp who, when confronted with her fears, does nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Now the hospital experience was obviously nothing compared to what a real break-in would be like, but it gave me the confidence to realize that, yes, I can cope with unpleasant situations and do what needs to be done, even if I need to have a small emotional breakdown immediately following it.

Celebrity Spell Check

Dear Readers:

I know I have mentioned in the past that Britney is dead to me. And she is. It all started when the shocking picture of her with a cigarette came out and spiraled continously downward from there...ending with the recent wedding. Did you see those "bridesmaid dresses," I mean, velour sweatsuits?

But as I have been reading your blogs (and I'm surprised how many of them mention her), I have always found her name misspelled.

The proper spelling is B-R-I-T-N-E-Y. She even courteously spelled it out for us in her song "Intimidated." Email me (see my profile page), if you would like to hear it. She also has a weird line in the song that says, "And if my pgo’s o, no, don’t give up to that" I have no idea what this means. Before she was dead to me, I emailed her to ask, but she never wrote back.

I read in How to Win Friends and Influence People that you should never correct people and I like to stick to that. But I figured a broad generalization like this wouldn't offend anyone, would it? Well, anyway there is no offense meant.

Sincerely,
Marcy Dibbleblotts

A Visit from Clete

These are just a few of my favorite highlights from the past few days:

Picked up Carly at 1 a.m. Thursday. She told me that Mike had said to get some rest and not stay up all night talking. We talked til almost 4 a.m.

Mike told me not to let Carly spend too much money while she was here. The first place I took her was Potomac Mills with 10 neighborhoods of Outlet shopping.

Everytime we ate, Carly called Mike to tell him what we were having and how good it was.

A strange conversation at my roommate's birthday party about tongues touching eyeballs. I don't understand it or why that would ever happen.

Wasted $4 on blinking Red nose that will never wear.

Read "You Can't Kill the Rooster" in Books-A-Million to see what all the David Sedaris hype is about.

Was told I like comfort foods after rambling on and on about restaurants and food. Carly and Neil, food is not the only thing I know. Although I do know quite a bit about it.

Ate the most delicious macaroni and cheese EVER. Seriously. Hands down the best.

Sat behind a girl in Relief Society whose crack was showing. After conferring with everyone around me, finally told her to pull up her skirt.

Carly constantly was talking about needing to go through my closet, look at my stuff, how she felt attached to my wardrobe and was upset that we lived so far away and doesn't know what I wear anymore.

My mom called to tell me that my little brother found his Santa Claus presents. She told him they were for a poor little boy who has no presents until she can figure out a solution.

Watched Dodgeball. I would have a hard time being good friends with someone who didn't think this was funny.

I was debating on a dress I had on in the dressing room at J.Jill. Carly told me it was a sign that I needed to buy it when Coldplay came on.

Just asked Carly what she is doing right now. She said she is blogging a list about her trip. I better hurry up and finish this one so mine will be up first.

Luckily, my mom called yesterday to interrupt the awkward moment when the Target clerk was ringing up my 5 whoopee cushions.

Crap, Carly beat me with her blog. Just read it. Hers is funnier. Don't know if I can post this. Oh well, for a funnier version of this post, please see Carly's post.

The Contents of My Purse

2 front pockets:

keys
cell phone
paper clip
a dime
a hair barrette
2 old empty reese's cup wrappers
one old post it note containing Target shopping list
one silver jelly roll pen
one piece orbit gum

Inside the purse:

first section
1 pair black pantyhose
1 container undeveloped film (approx 3 months old)
1 religious pocket calendar sold to me for $2 by my nun great-aunt
1 flyer about helping iraqi school children with spit out gum inside
1 3x5 card containing goals for 2005
1 CVS pharmacy receipt
a list of what i want for Christmas
ATM receipt from 11/24/04, withdrawal $40
notecard with math re: how much tithing i should have paid this year
Church program
Christmas shopping list
3 empty gum wrappers
1 quarter
2 dimes
1 red pen

center section:
$10 (yes!)
Tithing settlement printout

last section:
Visiting Teaching message
wallet
tithing slip
ATM withdrawal slip, today, $40
dry cleaning pick up slip
check book
tithing check (can you tell I have tithing settlement tonight)
throat lozenges (generic citrus)
dental checkup receipt
nail file, Wet and Wild with purple lips on it
ibuprofen
mirror
2 bottles hand sanitizer
1 red pen
2 black pens
1 purple shell bracelet (from Costa Rica, souvenir from Stacie's Thankgiving trip)
3 empty gum wrappers
1 quarter
1 empty package of Extra gum
chap stick
1 pair of earrings

Just call me Mary Popppins.

Gratitude Journal: Coming out of the Blog Closet

As I mentioned in my 100 things post, I have basically been a secret blogger. It's because I used to hate the idea of blogging and think it was a waste of time. Well, maybe I still do, but that hasn't stopped me yet. I am an ashamed blogger.

But as of 3:50pm today, I have come out of the blog closet with Loco, Schatze and Roxy....now I am a guilt-free blogger. I can breathe a sigh of relief. I mean, the only reason I hadn't told them is because I was ashamed...I thought they would think I'm crazy or ridiculous, basically because I think I'm crazy and ridiculous for doing it.

Coming out of the blog closet has not been easy for me but I'm glad I did it. And I'm glad that my friends are such good friends that they still love me despite my flaws, of which, blogging is probably not the worst.

Back By Popular Demand

Ok well back by Rebecca's demand.

So last night I was at the First Presidency Christmas Devotional and afterwards there were refreshments and carolers, etc...So I was talking with my friend Ashley (who sometimes does the stand alone thing with me at Institute) and I said, "If you had to kiss someone in here right now, who would it be?" After she said who she would like to kiss, I said I would choose Jonas. Now I don't really know Jonas very well, but he is cute and funny and, after all, it's not like it was real. Almost immediately after this conversation, I was talking to my roommate Wayne and Jonas came over and asked her for a ride home. Go figure. We had driven separately because I had come early. So when I saw that they were behind me, I drove home really fast. I don't know why. I thought he might think it was cool that I was driving fast, even though he probably didn't even know it was me. But if he did know it was me, I'm sure he thought it was cool.

Oh well, Jonas thinks I'm crazy anyway because these are the only things I have ever said to him:

1.) Wayne invited him to our annual Summer BBQ in June and he came in through the gate to the back yard and I was ready to greet him and his brother as any good hostess should. He walked up and we stood there with a branch in between us, blocking our vision of each other, but neither of us moved out of the way. Then I said, "I don't think we've been formally introduced. I'm Marcy, I'm glad you could come to our party." I might not have felt so stupid or as if I had acted like I'd just stepped out of a Jane Austen book if he had not replied with "Oh, is this our formal introduction?" and an are-you-crazy-smile.

2.) At the same BBQ I went out the front door to take out some trash and Jonas was standing all alone in the driveway in the front yard. I was caught by surprise that he was out there and exclaimed, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?" He mentioned he was just looking around and that he had never known our street existed even though he lives 1/2 mile down the street... to which I replied, "Oh, well our house is the place where squirrels go to die." Then we stood there by the garbage can and I proceeded to tell stories about the dead squirrels in our yard and how I disposed of them. Then we walked to the back yard in silence.

3.) Finally, a few months ago we had these "small group dinners" in our ward where you sign up and they assign you into groups of 10 or 12 and then you all have a potluck dinner together. So Schatze, Wayne and I were assigned to Jonas's house. When we were leaving, I said, "I have a question for you." When I said this everyone stopped to listen which really was not good because already I was trying to make my comment low-key. Anyway, I then proceeded to ask him about a t-shirt he had worn approximately 2 years before. He said he didn't have a t-shirt like that. And I looked stupid and crazy...but I'm telling you he has this shirt. The reason I KNOW is because he wore it to institute a few years ago and on the back it said "Nu-Seal." Schatze and I noticed because just the weekend before she had to have her trunk resealed and this guy from Nu-Seal did it. He had us meet him in some parking lot and he looked like Bon Jovi. It all seemed a little shady but worked out in the end. So of course we noticed when Jonas wore this shirt that said Nu-Seal on the back. I definitely should have just asked him about it then though, instead of waiting two years.

Also, earlier yesterday on the way to church, I was driving down the Interstate and I looked and Jonas was behind me. We did not acknowledge each other. Me because I feel embarrassed whenever I see him. Him because he thinks I am crazy. He then passed me. Then I passed him. Then I exited and he didn't. I decided to race him to see which way to the church was faster. I won the secret victory. Then on the way home last night, when I was watching Stacie and him talking in my rear view mirror I thought, "I should have said something funny to him tonight like, 'You didn't know it, but I raced you to church today.'" Then I thought about these 3 past examples of our conversations and was grateful that, for once, I held my tongue with Jonas.