There's a road you go down in a relationship and once you get to a certain point, it's hard to go back. Early on Neil started using terms of endearment, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it no matter how hard I tried. And I was really worried about it because I thought he wanted me to. I couldn't even bring myself to refer to him as my boyfriend in his presence. I talked to everyone about my concern. I spent a lot of time looking for ideas on the internet. I even asked advice from my mom who told me I was "just going to have to do it."
Once while visiting Carly, she asked if I had just called Neil "Dear" and remarked on how cute and/or sweet it was and I had to let her down by telling her that no, I'd said Dude. "Dude" was my term of endearment for Neil until we were married and then it became "Husband" and now just "Husb" with an occasional "Mufasa" thrown in.
I don't know what my problem is. Why is it so hard? Maybe it's because I can't recall hearing a lot of terms of endearment used when I was growing up except on TV or by girlfriends who called each other "Hon"--and that's just not something I can get behind/pull off. No offense if that's you (Carrie), but I never did it and I don't think I ever could. However, I believe I mentioned to a friend (Hoss, was this you? I can't remember, but please see comment below re: my memory) that I hated when girls posed for those up close pictures with their cheeks smashed together---and then it wasn't too long before some photos of me in that exact same pose turned up, shattering my outspoken aversion to the cheek-touching-photo. So perhaps I've called you "Hon" and I just don't remember it. I have been told more than once that my "memory is a$$."
So please have some sympathy for Neil and give me some advice on how I can turn my ship around. Thanks in advance.
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11 comments:
We have some friends that cycle through terms of endearment like they're nothing. At one point they even had a song made up of several different terms of endearment for one another, including hand motions for each one. Nowadays, they just stick to one term of endearment per song, but the fact that they still regularly come up with songs and terms of endearment for one another is... amazing?
I can't hardly bring myself to use more than one ever for the Nonny Spouse. Maybe you could just think of it like a nickname? Like "Hoss" maybe?
I am a bit saddened that last years list has not been put into practice ... just start by using one a day and moving on to the next until you find the one that feels the most comfortable to you (it can be done—I BELIEVE!):
bedmate,
benedict,
bridegroom,
buffalo,
consort,
cuckold,
groom,
head,
helpmate,
heine boy,
hubby,
main man,
mate,
mister,
monogamist,
old man,
other half, or
spouse
I think you should jump in the deep end of terms of endearment and call him either
a) baby bluey
b) shmoopy
And I don't rememeber you telling me about your anti-cheek aversion, but it sounds like you.
I'm very happy with Husb, but if you need something new and won't go with Steed, don't forget about my street name, Neelio.
Try it Marcy--you'll like it. Neil is fun to call by a term of endearment. I like to call him Neil Linderman or simply bud. But don't use "Babe." It's the trendy T.O.E. right now. What about lovey or daddy?
Thanks for all the ideas. I wish I could say "sugar" because I feel I'm allowed to since I'm from the South. I've got ideas just not the stuff to pull them off.
Okay I confess to being part of the underlying psychosis with TOE. I don't remember anything more out there than "Honey", "Hun" or "Dear". Although we did have cutesy names for you youngins. As for Neil, you just have to go with that gut feeling. I thought there were some very ingenious names on your internet list...Kool aid?
Little diddle? Rumpy diddle? or maybe my fav, Shabookadook!
I can't believe people really use these names?
Hey there! I just thought you needed my help here. As stupid as it sounds, you should start with the word "babe". It's short and it just roles of the tongue. However, be aware, the first few times you say it you're gonna get a "did you just say babe?" because it's so unbelievable but it grows on you. I had this same problem, but the word "babe" cured me. Now Doug is Hon, Honey, Sweetie, etc. No biggie! Good luck with this.
Oh no, your friend Kacy said "babe" is too trendy. So, disregard my last comment. Oops! I've got to work on that! I'll tell ya...it's gonna be hard to shake!
[this is Brock, Melinda's Husband]
Are you kidding?! This is the perfect opportunity for you to just simply make one up that you like. Sadly, far too many people simply jump into the first T.O.E. that they think or what they've heard or whatever. Because you've stayed the course and refrained from jumping on that bandwagon you can stylishly craft one of your own that will blow the competition away (they should totally have a competition...but it would have to omit the person's actual name as that could be embarassing/weird).
I had the same issue in our early years of dating and marriage. Referring to one another as anthing other than our names sounded absurd. "Babe" made me cringe when I heard others use it. So much like Sonny and Cher. I had to pick something very syrupy and childish to even get myself to try it. I used it kind of in jest at first, but then it stuck. I started with "Schnookums" and now, anything goes.
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