10. He doesn’t get mad when we are late to church every Sunday because I have to try on 15 different outfits. He just goes in the kitchen and prepares a tiny snack for my purse.
9. He watches old movies with me.
8. He cooks delicious food for me all the time and still doesn’t get mad when I request Kraft Macaroni and Cheese (only when I request No Bake Cookies.)
7. He doesn’t care that all I do is talk about myself and Bogart all of the conversation.
6. He’s obsessed with tiny cameras and has an unbelievable number of cords.
5. He puts delicious treats in my lunch (Cow Tales for example).
4. He gets up at 5:30 in the morning every day with me even though he doesn’t have to.
3. He tolerates Britney songs and let’s me listen to the same Postal Service lineup every single day on the way to work.
2. He refers to himself as Daddy.*
1. His main goal in life is to never have to bend over.
*This is in no way any sort of announcement or anything closely related to one.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Sunday, May 21, 2006
A Bald Streetwalker Swims In Our Pool
Okay, maybe she's not really a streetwalker, but she does wear a wig very similar to Julia Robert's in Pretty Woman. She also gets dressed right when she gets out of the pool, not at her apartment like the rest of us. Obviously, she probably doesn't live in our apartments and that's fine--Who am I to judge? I have been sneaking into pools for the past 5 years, but at least I tried to look like a resident by showing up and leaving in my swimsuit and cover-up. Not the bald streetwalker. She gets out of the pool, puts on her heels, walks over to her chair, gets her wig out of her bag, lays it out on the chair, takes off her swimsuit, and puts on a black bustier. She then stands there lacing it up while we all watch. After she gets the bustier on, she goes into the locker room and emerges 10 minutes later fully clothed and wigged with lots of makeup and big sunglasses on. It's weird!
It's also weird that the really, really old, hunched-over Chinese man whose balcony faces our front door is often standing outside poking a tree with a long stick.
It's nice to know that everyone here is not weird though. There are some kindred spirits. Like the girl Neil and I saw at In 'n' Out, who, after placing her order, walked over to Krispy Kreme, bought and stuffed an entire box of a dozen donuts in her purse, and then walked back over to In 'n' Out to pick up her burger order. I could probably be friends with her--especially since my legs are TOTALLY sore from bowling for one hour yesterday. I know. It's pathetic. I don't even deserve to fit into those pants under my bed. But at least after losing to Neil time and time again at every sport or game we've ever played, I finally beat him yesterday at air hockey.
It's also weird that the really, really old, hunched-over Chinese man whose balcony faces our front door is often standing outside poking a tree with a long stick.
It's nice to know that everyone here is not weird though. There are some kindred spirits. Like the girl Neil and I saw at In 'n' Out, who, after placing her order, walked over to Krispy Kreme, bought and stuffed an entire box of a dozen donuts in her purse, and then walked back over to In 'n' Out to pick up her burger order. I could probably be friends with her--especially since my legs are TOTALLY sore from bowling for one hour yesterday. I know. It's pathetic. I don't even deserve to fit into those pants under my bed. But at least after losing to Neil time and time again at every sport or game we've ever played, I finally beat him yesterday at air hockey.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
I Can't Think of a Good Title But I Have to Go Now Because It's Burger Night Which I'm Really Excited About. Read This Post and You'll Understand.
I wonder if there is anyone out there who will read this or if everyone who ever read my blog has just stopped checking it. I wouldn't blame them. Well, here I am-- partly because of Skewedview's challenge and partly because I feel a little bit of guilt at not having written in so long. After all, this blog did get me a job and a husband.
So I guess I'll just dive in and tell you some of what I have been up to in the last, oh, 3 months or so. As I said, I got a job and I'm working with Alice. Too bad peeps get fired for blogging about their jobs because there is a lot I could tell you. So I'll just divulge this small piece of info: When I started working, I found a card with a phone number under F in the rolodex on my desk for a contact merely listed as "Fat Lady."
I've also been spending a lot of time thinking about, talking about, and eating food. But mostly just eating. And as evidence, I give you the bag under my bed containing 10 pair of pants that I can almost fit in. My mom did tell me if I wanted to be thin, I shouldn't have married Neil who is fixing me 3 delicious meals a day. Although the problem is really not in the number of meals I'm eating, but the quantity I consume for each meal. Mine is not a humble portion. Perhaps last weekend's large burrito, double cheeseburger, fries, cokes, Krispy Kremes, deep dish pizza and ribs were a little much. After all that, I couldn't even make it through Fast Sunday. Around 2:30 in the afternoon, I climbed out of bed and headed for the kitchen and scarfed down some leftover chicken salad 2 hours prior to dinner. I guess you could say I lost it.
I've also been doing a lot of reading. My most recent books have been Peace Like A River, Mrs. Dalloway, Atonement, The Wonder Spot, Freakonomics, Home Alone America, The Power of One and The Alchemist. Have you read any of these? Let's talk.
Besides the "my life is comprised by an obsession with food" guilt, I've also been feeling a little guilty about all the piano playing Neil has been asked to do lately. It all started when he was asked if I play by a man who was looking for a pianist at an upcoming baptism. Since we were going to be away, Neil distracted them by saying, "Actually I play, but we're going to be away that weekend." Lucky for me, I have a husband who protects me. Unfortunately for him, that dude remembered and then after asking Neil to play in the joint Priesthood/Relief Society meeting 2 weeks ago, people were literally lined up with pianist requests immediately following that meeting. My light is still under a bushel, and luckily with Neil on my side, it looks like it's going to stay that way.
I've also been doing a lot of learning about marriage and what it takes to be a good wife. The first thing I've learned is: It's a good idea to try and dress like your husband. What you do is just wait until he gets dressed then put on a matching outfit. It's fun and not annoying at all! The second thing I've learned is: When your husband is in the shower... hide! When he gets out, he will eventually start wondering where you went and start looking for you. And it's even better if, when he finds you, you are wearing his clothes. This is not annoying either and never gets old. And if anyone were ever to think this was annoying, then you just threaten to stab him with a letter opener.
I also got a haircut last week. I decided not to return to Jesus/Maggie who, after showing her this photo:
made my hair look like:
So this time I got smart and went to Fifi, who, when I showed her this pic (yes, I will only have hair like Mandy Moore now):
made me look like this:
Just kidding. I really like my haircut now and I only look like Rod when I wake up in the morning.
Anyway, that's it for now. I hope you're all still out there. I plan on sticking around because living in San Francisco and being married to a national-award-winning husband is really supplying me with a lot of material.
Blogging. It's on my calendar. Remind me to tell you how, thanks to my adequately meaty wrists and Neil's freakishly strong lats, we are hoping that someday we'll *have a professional bowler.
*This is just a thought/prediction/hope and in no way any sort of announcement or anything closely related to one.
So I guess I'll just dive in and tell you some of what I have been up to in the last, oh, 3 months or so. As I said, I got a job and I'm working with Alice. Too bad peeps get fired for blogging about their jobs because there is a lot I could tell you. So I'll just divulge this small piece of info: When I started working, I found a card with a phone number under F in the rolodex on my desk for a contact merely listed as "Fat Lady."
I've also been spending a lot of time thinking about, talking about, and eating food. But mostly just eating. And as evidence, I give you the bag under my bed containing 10 pair of pants that I can almost fit in. My mom did tell me if I wanted to be thin, I shouldn't have married Neil who is fixing me 3 delicious meals a day. Although the problem is really not in the number of meals I'm eating, but the quantity I consume for each meal. Mine is not a humble portion. Perhaps last weekend's large burrito, double cheeseburger, fries, cokes, Krispy Kremes, deep dish pizza and ribs were a little much. After all that, I couldn't even make it through Fast Sunday. Around 2:30 in the afternoon, I climbed out of bed and headed for the kitchen and scarfed down some leftover chicken salad 2 hours prior to dinner. I guess you could say I lost it.
I've also been doing a lot of reading. My most recent books have been Peace Like A River, Mrs. Dalloway, Atonement, The Wonder Spot, Freakonomics, Home Alone America, The Power of One and The Alchemist. Have you read any of these? Let's talk.
Besides the "my life is comprised by an obsession with food" guilt, I've also been feeling a little guilty about all the piano playing Neil has been asked to do lately. It all started when he was asked if I play by a man who was looking for a pianist at an upcoming baptism. Since we were going to be away, Neil distracted them by saying, "Actually I play, but we're going to be away that weekend." Lucky for me, I have a husband who protects me. Unfortunately for him, that dude remembered and then after asking Neil to play in the joint Priesthood/Relief Society meeting 2 weeks ago, people were literally lined up with pianist requests immediately following that meeting. My light is still under a bushel, and luckily with Neil on my side, it looks like it's going to stay that way.
I've also been doing a lot of learning about marriage and what it takes to be a good wife. The first thing I've learned is: It's a good idea to try and dress like your husband. What you do is just wait until he gets dressed then put on a matching outfit. It's fun and not annoying at all! The second thing I've learned is: When your husband is in the shower... hide! When he gets out, he will eventually start wondering where you went and start looking for you. And it's even better if, when he finds you, you are wearing his clothes. This is not annoying either and never gets old. And if anyone were ever to think this was annoying, then you just threaten to stab him with a letter opener.
I also got a haircut last week. I decided not to return to Jesus/Maggie who, after showing her this photo:
made my hair look like:
So this time I got smart and went to Fifi, who, when I showed her this pic (yes, I will only have hair like Mandy Moore now):
made me look like this:
Just kidding. I really like my haircut now and I only look like Rod when I wake up in the morning.
Anyway, that's it for now. I hope you're all still out there. I plan on sticking around because living in San Francisco and being married to a national-award-winning husband is really supplying me with a lot of material.
Blogging. It's on my calendar. Remind me to tell you how, thanks to my adequately meaty wrists and Neil's freakishly strong lats, we are hoping that someday we'll *have a professional bowler.
*This is just a thought/prediction/hope and in no way any sort of announcement or anything closely related to one.
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