and by "do with myself," I mean "wear to church." Perhaps I have surprised Neil with the way I start asking "what will I wear to church?" every Saturday and staring in the closet for long periods of time. But he didn't see me the time I skipped class in college because I felt ugly in all of my clothes and sat in a pile of them on the floor all afternoon. Or when my mom and I would ditch school because we needed to "call in fat."
Here's the problem. I haven't come to terms with my new fashion rules yet. I'm not used to the weather/lack of seasons here. If it's warm all day but chilly at night, can I wear wool pants because it's February? Or should I not because it was 70 degrees that day? Is it okay to not wear pantyhose if it is warm? Even though it IS February? And my legs are really white? I tried observing other women at church, but that didn't help me a whole lot. I mean there were girls without nylons, but they were also girls wearing them.
Since I never know what to wear and my hair was starting to look like Bo Duke's, I decided I needed a haircut to make me feel better. I unpacked my Mandy Moore pics and got out the phone book. I found a lot of strangely named salons ("Hotheads" and "Total Concern for the Bride"), so I decided to get out of the house and do some drive-bys of these places. I ended up getting my hair cut in Regis at the mall by a woman named Jesus (she went by Maggie) who told me she had washed my hair twice so I wouldn't have to wash it the next day.
I also have some blue Nike casual tennis shoes that I have taken to wearing daily. They are comfortable and cute and have a small pattern of clusters of three flowers. It turns out though that the clusters of three flowers look like paw prints and peeps think I'm running around in "Blue's Clues" shoes. Not exactly chic, I know. But it hasn't stopped me from wearing them everyday no matter what color or style of top I have on.
I never said "top" until I married Neil who always says it when I ask him what I will wear. "What will I wear today, husband?" "Jeans and a top" is his standard, very helpful reply. I think it's because he doesn't know whether he should say shirt or blouse or better yet, something specific. But it's still cute and I'm going to stick with it. It's the least I can do now that he is trying to sport a southern accent.
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When I saw those shoes I did indeed think the flower clusters were paw prints. Rather than assuming Blues Clues was the reason, I assumed that it was some cool trend I was not privy to. I needed to get to the bottom of the issue, so while you were away I went into your guest room and looked at the shoes: "ah, flowers!" I shouted. Then everything made sense to me. I will "call in fat" with you next time. We will then buy lots of candy, go home, and watch "Wuthering Heights" with Lawrence Olivier.
Thanks, hoss. An afternoon on the moon with you would be fantastic. Lawrence Oliver or not.
I say: No nylons is acceptable year-round, especially in CA. I grew up in CA and never once donned a pair of nylons or even considered that I ever would until I got a job where nylons are "required" for women. (Said job is in Utah.)
I still don't really wear them, except occasionally to work in winter when I want to wear a short skirt, and opaque, lace, or fishnets (my usual tights of choice in winter) won't go with the outfit.
Also, self-tanner helps with the white-leg issue.
No nylons if you're an Arizonan, too (and I think there may be one of those lurking in these parts), unless you go to the temple and are wearing a knee-length skirt and sandals and get severely chastised by one of the old women greeter workers who just doesn't understand.
There is so much to say about "nylons." I just don't know where to begin! I would like to start by saying that I never use the word "nylons." Though to some it may seem more crass and yucky, I like to say "pantyhose"--never just "hose" though. And when I get a run, I say "I have a run in my right pantyho." Incidentally, I think it is acceptable to wear a nude fishnet any time of year, but not with sandals.
I think I will check into the self-tanner club again. That will probably make me feel better about my lack of nylons. Cletis, I am with you on the singular pantyho.
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