I'm Learning A Lot

I have been doing a lot of really important thinking and stuff while I have been hanging around the house lately. Besides thinking about getting a job, I have also been pondering the following...

Tagalongs are the best girl scout cookies. And they are best eaten with the peanut butter side down (facing your tongue). The crappy thing about them is that you think you have a whole box full but really you just have one of those clear trays that pull out containing about 1/4 of the amount of cookies that should be in that box--making one box equivalent to one serving. Maybe you don't think a box equals one serving, but then again you probably don't think one box of macaroni and cheese equals one serving like I do either. Other honorable cookie mentions are the Do-si-dos, thin mints (best frozen) and of course samoas. But frankly, I think samoas have been given too much hype for their quality--and again, enough with the clear plastic tray thing already.

Secondly, I have a love/hate relationship with Oprah. "Hate the person, love the show" are my sentiments actually. While she drives me bonks, she actually has good show topics (sometimes) and has the power to get big name guests. This week was focused a lot on Hurricane Katrina (yawn) so I have been holding on for today which is going to be Part II of "America's Debt Diet"--Oprah's push to get Americans out of debt. I'll be honest and say that the show has done little to inspire me to get out of debt and a lot to make me feel good that I am not as ridiculous as the woman on the show who throws away her bills, owns 5 cars and spends $7,000 a year on her hair. I AM frugal! Other important stuff I have learned from Oprah is that Matthew McConahey, while handsome, is a fool. I was upset by his wardrobe choice, his constant face touching, his love of pickles, his arrogance about how he is so "real" and "earthy," as well as his personal life motto: "Just keep livin'."

I've decided my favorite drawer is my sweater drawer. In the past I have kept my sweaters folded on a shelf in the closet, but now they are in a dresser drawer. There are 3 stacks of sweaters side by side consisting of approximately 4 sweaters per stack. But I have the sweaters slightly terraced so that part of each is showing. It looks just like something you would see in a store, except all the sweaters are ugly and I hate them.

Is purple eye shadow cool or even just acceptable? I have been thinking a lot about this actually. It seems 80's but IT JUST LOOKS SO GOOD! Because I am loving Bobbi Brown's gel eyeliner in Violet Ink, I decided recently to jazz it up with some purple eyeshadow. I know I don't look cool or sleek like the bright-eyed ladies at the MAC counter or anything--I probably look more like I should be hanging out with Molly Ringwald. I wonder if she would approve of my blue's clues shoes.

Once I looked through a book called Are You Smarter Than You Think You Are? But what I need is a book called You are Smarter Than Other People Think You Are. That might have given me the self-confidence I needed when I had to sit between a physicist and a neurosurgeon at a dinner party recently. When talking to Roxy the next day and telling her I had felt a little out of my league, she encouraged me by saying, "You should have told those people, 'You think you're so smart, but do you have The Parent Trap memorized?? I don't think so.'" And that's probably true. So there.

So that's what I've been up to. Just doing a lot of important thinking about a lot of life's important issues. I better get going now though. There are only 30 minutes 'til Oprah and I still have to put on my Jimmie Johnson NASCAR light pink fleece pantsuit and sit around and think about a few more things.

It's Back: Name That Song

The Rules:

1. Please DO NOT guess in the comment section! E-mail me (see my profile page for my e-mail address).
2. Please do not look up the answer...I really send a prize, so be honest and fair.
3. Previous winners may still play.
4. Be the FIRST to e-mail me with the correct song title & artist and win.
Good Luck!

This month's lyric is:

"I've got soul, but I'm not a soldier."

I Just Don't Know What to Do With Myself

and by "do with myself," I mean "wear to church." Perhaps I have surprised Neil with the way I start asking "what will I wear to church?" every Saturday and staring in the closet for long periods of time. But he didn't see me the time I skipped class in college because I felt ugly in all of my clothes and sat in a pile of them on the floor all afternoon. Or when my mom and I would ditch school because we needed to "call in fat."

Here's the problem. I haven't come to terms with my new fashion rules yet. I'm not used to the weather/lack of seasons here. If it's warm all day but chilly at night, can I wear wool pants because it's February? Or should I not because it was 70 degrees that day? Is it okay to not wear pantyhose if it is warm? Even though it IS February? And my legs are really white? I tried observing other women at church, but that didn't help me a whole lot. I mean there were girls without nylons, but they were also girls wearing them.

Since I never know what to wear and my hair was starting to look like Bo Duke's, I decided I needed a haircut to make me feel better. I unpacked my Mandy Moore pics and got out the phone book. I found a lot of strangely named salons ("Hotheads" and "Total Concern for the Bride"), so I decided to get out of the house and do some drive-bys of these places. I ended up getting my hair cut in Regis at the mall by a woman named Jesus (she went by Maggie) who told me she had washed my hair twice so I wouldn't have to wash it the next day.

I also have some blue Nike casual tennis shoes that I have taken to wearing daily. They are comfortable and cute and have a small pattern of clusters of three flowers. It turns out though that the clusters of three flowers look like paw prints and peeps think I'm running around in "Blue's Clues" shoes. Not exactly chic, I know. But it hasn't stopped me from wearing them everyday no matter what color or style of top I have on.

I never said "top" until I married Neil who always says it when I ask him what I will wear. "What will I wear today, husband?" "Jeans and a top" is his standard, very helpful reply. I think it's because he doesn't know whether he should say shirt or blouse or better yet, something specific. But it's still cute and I'm going to stick with it. It's the least I can do now that he is trying to sport a southern accent.

I'm Married Now, Suckahs

Evabody told me that married life would be an adjustment. But as I sit here at 1 o'clock in the afternoon in my bathrobe with my orange juice, all I know is, my adjustment just hasn't been that bad. I mean, would you have to adjust to being asleep at 10:30 in the morning when your husband brings you a bowl of homemade cake frosting to eat? or when you are instant messaging in your pajamas at 3 p.m. while downing some little smokies? I don't think so. And what if you had your own bedside table with a drawer containing 4 lbs. of Snickers Minis and a bottle of Tums? I don't think I'd hear you complaining either.

Plus, it's not like we're one of these gag-me cheesey couples with matching hiking pants and water bottles who can never be apart. Neil is perfectly happy to wear his hiking pants while cooking up some supper in the kitchen while I wear mine in the other room to watch Beauty and the Geek 2.

Now that all the wedding stuff is over, this seems like cake. I mean, it wasn't really ideal to be ralphing in front of my fiance on the trip from Tennessee to Utah before our wedding. Or when our sheepherder sealer consistently mispronounced my name. Or when he mispronounced pornography (as phonography) for that matter. But is mentioning pornography during a marriage ceremony really a good idea anyway?

And maybe the officiator at our ring ceremony did use my mother's first name instead of mine. And maybe I did nail my 14-year-old sister in the face when I tossed my bouquet. But these were all just trivial bumps on the road to a fabulous life with a man who is just happy when I address him as "husband" because it's a step in the right direction from "dude."

Delayed Due to Technical Difficulties: Name That Song

The Rules:

1. Please DO NOT guess in the comment section! E-mail me (see my profile page for my e-mail address).
2. Please do not look up the answer...I really send a prize, so be honest and fair.
3. Previous winners may still play.
4. Be the FIRST to e-mail me with the correct song title & artist and win.
Good Luck!

This month's lyric is:

We both got fired on exactly the same day

That's Mrs. Dibbleblotts to You

I'm just sayin' that on Friday, my 27th birthday, what began here and here went to a whole new level. Aaaahhhhhh (to be sung like heavenly choir).

A Few Kooks

My birthday cards from my grandmother and mom, respectively.


























My mom's tradition is to get a card with people or animals she can label as us. It just cracks me that she circled her stomach, too.

I met another kooky lady last week. I was at a luncheon for work where I was seated at the senior citizen table. A woman wearing an orange sweater, an orange jacket and a large orange crocheted hat approached me and said, "I wanted to give you a copy of the Constitution. Actually, it's a citizen's handbook. There is an error at the bottom of page 15. Would you please turn there?" So I did. But then instead of telling me what the mistake was, she asked me to find it. Luckily I happened to know that Patrick Henry's "Give me liberty or give me death" speech was in a church in Richmond and not in the House of Burgesses in Williamsburg.

Edith then went back to her side of the table where she said something I couldn't hear to her husband. He then said, "If you tell me to bring a teabag when I'm in the shower, I won't hear you." She then asked him, "If you didn't hear me, why are you looking in your pockets??" He just shook his head and said he didn't know. Edith then picked up her trunklike purse and started removing the contents and putting them on the table as we all ate and watched. After she had made a large pile which included a really big, gold belt and 3 pairs of eyeglasses, she declared, "Well, no teabags in here!"

And I talked to some real kooks last night who were camping out in the rain at Target for the new XBox today. And I thought I was crazy.

Just Pretend I'm a Celebrity

Then maybe you will be fascinated by what I would listen to.

After my eyes glazed over from reading so many different celebrities' playlists on iTunes, I decided to make my own. Now this isn't a "these are my all time favorite songs" playlist--far from it. That would be an impossible task. But here's what I would put on my playlist for today:

I Drove All Night – Cyndi Lauper
Thing Called Love – Bonnie Raitt
Green Eyes – Coldplay
Up All Night – Counting Crows
Good Morning Little Schoolgirl – Jonny Lang
I Just Wanted to See You So Bad – Lucinda Williams
How Can You Mend a Broken Heart? – Al Green
The Bitch is Back – Elton John
You Keep Me Hangin’ On – The Supremes
Heartbreaker – Dionne Warwick
Gypsy – Fleetwood Mac
Crazy Love – Van Morrison
Eleanor – Low Millions
Bang and Blame – R.E.M.
The Chemicals Between Us – Bush
The Loop – Morrissey
I’m So Happy I Can’t Stop Crying – Sting

Name That Song

The Rules:

1. Please DO NOT guess in the comment section! E-mail me (see my profile page for my e-mail address).
2. Please do not look up the answer...I really send a prize, so be honest and fair.
3. Previous winners may still play.
4. Be the FIRST to e-mail me with the correct song title & artist and win.
Good Luck!

This month's lyric is:

To have you with me, I would swim the seven seas.

Who Are You Most Compatible With?

Check out this link to see your biorhythm charts. The best part is testing your compatibility with others, including celebrities. I'm glad I found out about this site because I might never have known I am 97% intellectually compatible with Ice-T.

And who knew that you could tell so much just from your birthday? I mean besides Dave the nutritionist whose prognosis and treatment of me was based solely on the time of my birth and birthday.

Speaking of birthdays, I got a birthday card from my grandmother last week. I thought it was a little odd that it was a card for a little girl with a cartoon mermaid on the front. And a mermaid with long blonde locks, no less! I knew it must be some sort of message to me about my hair which she is always talking about--how I need to keep it long or grow it out because it is my "crowning glory." But then as I started to read the poem inside I came across the line "and the mermaid wishes her special granddaughter a very happy birthday." I see I had misjudged. SHE is the mermaid, not me.

Anyway, a few days later when I thanked her, she asked if I liked the card and told me how she knew it was just the card for me when she saw it. And after all the talk about how much she loved the card, she said, "You know, if you haven't thrown it away yet, would you mind sending it back to me?" So even though my birthday is still 9 days away, I have already received and returned her birthday card. But she just might want to do a painting of her mermaid self. Who knows? She IS an artist.

Top 10 Reasons You Could Call Me a Chic Sophisticate

10. Recently I ate half of a stale donut that I had dropped, frosting-side down, on the floor of my office, all the while telling my co-workers I had thrown it away.

And that was only a few days after I:

9. Ate 2 brownies I had dropped on the street.

8. Once when I was a teenager and out to dinner with my family, the waiter brought a carafe of coke for our refills, which I thought I was supposed to drink out of.

7. Before I had a car, I spent a significant amount of time online researching where I could get some metro-accessible fried chicken.
7a. I have eaten chicken livers from KFC.

6. My work wardrobe frequently consists of items such as:

5. Roxy asked if I remembered our "Gross Oreo Day"--we didn't shower and laid on the couches all day eating oreos. Of course I do. And actually, that's not the only time I have done that.

4. After cutting my own hair for over a year, I recently returned to the salon world. And to a really nice salon where I had to fill out a questionnaire as a new client. Although tempted to lie on it, I was honest and put down that the hair care products I use are made for livestock.




















3. Once I dropped my toothbrush in the toilet and used it anyway. Just kidding, I'm not THAT sophisticated.

2. Carly's son Holden mistook a blonde bikini-clad model on top of a jeep for me.

1. I have been ridiculed (and challenged to a bra-putting-on-speed contest) because apparently I don't put on my bra like a real woman.

TVLand

From October 27th through November 6th, we had houseguests who were sick. So I wasn't really surprised when 2 days ago I started getting a sore throat. Around lunchtime when I started going downhill and feeling feverish, I headed home. After I had been on the couch for 30 minutes, my roommate walked in. She was sick, too. We took our places on our couches and turned on the TV. There really isn't a lot on TV these days and I figure when you are sick and on the couch for 1.5 days, you are willing to watch about anything...Sort of like how it is exciting to watch any video in school because it's not class. Case in point: Stand and Deliver.

Here's a list of what I have been doing for the last day and a half while at home:

Tuesday:
1:00pm: In America
3:00-5:00pm: nap
5:00pm: While You Were Out
6:00pm: Martha
7:30pm: Jeopardy!
8:00pm: Gilmore Girls
9:00pm: Commander-in-Chief
10:00pm: Whose Wedding is it Anyway? (where we watched an entire episode of planning a wedding that we never got to see because they called it off...why did they air this episode?)
11:00pm: Will and Grace
11:30pm: flipped between 2 episodes of Will and Grace on different channels
12:00pm: Will and Grace
12:30pm: Will and Grace

Wednesday (after being woken up by a call from the office at 12:15pm):

1:30pm: Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
3:30pm: What Dreams May Come
5:45pm: nap
6:45pm: last 15 mins of Martha
7:00pm: Friends
7:30pm: Jeopardy!
8:00pm: Silence of the Lambs

Carly loves Martha because she is a go-getter. I hate her because she is rude. At least we love/hate her for different reasons. Here's what I got out of my Martha sick time:

After waiting 45 minutes to learn Martha's secret to making perfect rice that doesn't break or stick together...she told us to put the rice in a rice cooker and add water. Or if you just have to use the old fashioned way, then bring water to a boil, add rice & salt, cover. Thanks for the big secret, Martha.

Martha was rude to Joan Cusack and wouldn't let her talk. She talked over all her comments and told Joan that she obviously wasn't getting her kids involved in her cooking properly. She also made comments to her like, "Kids LOVE it when the chicken is a nice color like this" and "Just make sure your kid who is a picky eater is only allowed to eat squid in Sicily. He will LOVE it." What?

And Martha's advice to her studio audience:

When asked by a man who was about to purchase a horse whether she recommended a mare, a stallion or a gelding: "A mare or a stallion or a gelding would be great."

When asked what to do about cookies that kept burning on the bottom: "Turn the oven down."

When asked how to press fall leaves without them getting brittle: "Put them in a book."

She also laughed when a man said his kitchen had burned down. She simply explained that she laughs during tragedy...when her daughter broke her arm, she laughed. When someone else broke his leg, she laughed. she can't help it!

At least it was worth the fever to be able to catch up on all this useful information from Martha!

I'll Have to Say I Love You In a Song

I listen to music a lot and pretty much every song I know conjures up some sort of memory. Whether it's a person, an event, a movie, a certain time in my life or even just a previous time I heard that song, something comes to mind. In fact, there are some songs I like for purely sentimental reasons. Here are some songs that remind me of you.

K.D. Lang, Shadowland: Not only is this album GREAT, it also reminds me of the countless times I listened to it in the car or at the pool with my family. I still remember which songs were everyone's favorites. (Skewedview's: "Tears Don't Care Who Cries Them," Charlotte's: "I Wish I Didn't Love You So," Justine's: "Sugar Moon," and mine: "Too Busy Being Blue.") Also I used to dance every night when I lived with Carly to "Don't Let the Stars Get in Your Eyes" from this album.

Linda Rondstadt, Cry Like a Rainstorm: There is no way I would own or love this CD like I do without Skewedview's influence.

"The Edge of Seventeen" by Stevie Nicks: Chuckie

Sarah McLachlan and "Cherish" by Madonna: Cathy.

"The Macarena": This reminds me of my family high school graduation party and especially Patty doing the macarena in the driveway.

Mariah Carey's remake of "I'll Be There," Kelly Clarkson: Terri

"Hello, Goodbye" by the Beatles: Christmas shopping with the girls in the family and all singing our different parts in British accents.

"Stacy's Mom" by Fountains of Wayne: Wayne

All other Fountains of Wayne, Lucinda Williams, HEM, "The Promise" by When in Rome and Bruce Springsteen: Neil

"Brass in Pocket" by the Pretenders, U2, Bob Dylan, Garbage, Andrea Boccelli and NEK: Carly.

"Breakdown" by Tom Petty: Carly, Neil.

All R.E.M.: Kacy.

Belinda Carlisle, Steve Winwood, Van Morrison, and all Motown: my mom.

Perry Como: my grandpa.

Tina Turner, Lionel Ritchie: Schatze.

Bon Jovi, Joe: Camelio Estevez.

"Good Night, Elizabeth" by the Counting Crows and "9 to 5" by Dolly: Roxy. We listened to "9 to 5" on repeat until we knew all the words just before we had a pineapple explosion. zing!

John Mayer: Lizer

"3 A.M." by Matchbox 20 and "How Will I Know?" by Whitney Houston: my cousin Lee because a. he sort of looks like Rob Thomas and b. I used to force him to make up routines when we were little and Lee was the "he" in "How will I know if he really loves me?"

Deana Carter, Did I Shave My Legs for This?: my Freshmen roommates. We even wrote Deana some fanmail about this CD.

Any Britney Spears, "Stuck on You" by Lionel Ritchie. "Gone" and "Up Against the Wall" by 'NSync: Carrie. Disco ball. Disco ball. Disco ball.

Well, I'm sure there are more that will come to me later, but right now I think I'll settle into my workday with a little "Sister Golden Hair"-- which I will dedicate to myself.

Trick or Treat

Right now I'm shakin' my booty to KC and the Sunshine Band's "Shake Your Booty" while wearing this shirt. It's sort of like in The Hours when Virginia Woolf is writing Mrs. Dalloway, Laura is reading it and Clarissa is living it. Only I won't feel like I want to kill myself after I'm done.

So, Happy Halloween! I haven't really felt like it's Halloween yet because I have done nothing to make me think otherwise. Wearing my Halloween t-shirt I bought at Target last year has been the extent of it. I didn't carve a pumpkin. I didn't put spiderwebs on the front porch. I didn't put out my Halloween tablecloth or Frankenstein candleabra. I didn't go to the ward Halloween party where, last year, I bobbed for apples in a giant rubbermaid bin then walked around the rest of the night looking like a wet dog. I didn't drive for over an hour to the regional church barn dance which is always advertised as having a hayride but never does. I did see The Legend of Zorro which could qualify as scary. So maybe that counts.

Despite my less than festive weekend I did have a good time, with the exception of the time I spent crying over a box of chicken in the Popeye's parking lot. But we all have our moments, right?

I saw Elizabethtown and it was different, but I liked it. Actually, maybe I was just in a euphoric state from the popcorn I was eating. Now I am nowhere near the movie popcorn connossieur that Carly, who has gone into a theater, explained to the ticket taker that she is just there to get some popcorn, bought some and then left without ever seeing a movie, is. But I did finally live out our mutual dream since our discovery of the self service butter dispensers and that is: I took a separate bag so I could dump my popcorn into it, then pour it back into the real popcorn bag a little at a time while dispensing the butter allowing equal delicious distribution throughout. Sure I made a mess, but I have some ideas for how to do it better next time. And sure I got laughed at, but I think those peeps were just jealous of my ingenuity and yummy buttery popcorn.

What I will say about Elizabethtown is 1) it was odd but pleasing, 2) I really don't know what all the Orlando hype is about, and 3) it had great music including "Big Love" by Fleetwood Mac, which is one of my favorites and is, I think, far too unappreciated.

So after this weekend, my advice for you would be:

1. The Legend of Zorro: don't see it.
2. Elizabethtown: see it or don't. I don't really care. I liked it but can appreciate the fact that a lot of people probably wouldn't.
3. If sugar starts to smell like it's burning, even though it's not boiling and the recipe says wait until it boils, just go ahead and start over and don't keep adding ingredients you will eventually have to throw out.
4. If you need a snack during church, don't bring a whole green apple to chomp on.
5. Personal journals with juicy info: Don't bring them to stake conference, sit on the row in front of me, then place them on the empty chair directly in front of me where I might accidentally read something you don't want shared.

What You Want, Baby, I Got

In case you hadn't figured it out yet, I'm really cool. Peeps are always giving me props and shout-outs and respect and raisin' the roof and all that kind of stuff you do for cool peeps.

I hope you, too, will join the ranks of these folks who totally respect me:

The North Carolina Girls: Friday night I went to Katie Blue's for a little Cranium. This is how much my team respected me: they gave an answer that I MADE UP to a question about the name of a game. Both wanted to go with it even after I reminded them, "I made up that game. You do know that, right?" And this was not 5 minutes after we incorrectly answered a True/False question that I had adamantly convinced everyone I knew without a doubt.

Mike: Because I thought it was going to be Carly when he called me from her cell phone at the hospital and I answered the phone with a loud, pretty song: "How Ya Doooooiiiinnn'?"

My boss and everyone he had meetings with today: They each paused to stop and stare at my pink moccassins.

All the people in the Discovery Channel Store who saw me reading "Are You Smarter Than You Think You Are?"

Anyone at church yesterday who saw me: A) sleeping during Sacrament meeting B) Laughing with my eyes open during the closing prayer or C) Knocking down people to get to the refreshment table after the show and then stopping to scratch the bronze-painted-pumpkin vases to see if they were real.

5 boyz from the hood at the mall on Saturday: I think they must have respected me after they heard me respond with "Hey, Ho" to my mom's usual "Hey Tramp" greeting on the phone. Immediately after I said this to her, they came and sat at my table with me. One man on each side and 3 across from me. I ate the rest of my pizza in silence...I mean, let's face it, I couldn't really get up and move, now could I?

Blogger Dad

Happy Birthday, Pops!
And though your view may be skewed,
here are 10 reasons you're one awesome dude:


10. you have a supercrack.

9. you were caught dancing in your undies while painting your bedroom this summer (pre-supercrack).

8. you painted the game room like a baseball field including one wall partially papered with baseball cards.

7. you have watched Independence Day and Armageddon more times than everyone else who has ever seen them combined.

6. you make a mean sausage gravy.

5. you are a great artist.

4. you painted your kitchen purple.

3. your main dream is to lounge in the pool while projecting movies onto the back of the house to watch (this is my main dream, too).

2. you must be stopped from putting controversial "hatin'" boxes in you blog sidebar.

1. you are the best dad evah.

On My Blogiversary

Ode to My Blog

I love you, "How Am I Doin'?"
I'll love you 'til the end.
You taught me of obsession
and how to make a friend:
Just roam from blog to blog
and be a comment whore,
And soon there will be blog friends
knocking down your door.

Dear blog, I can't repay you
for all you've given me.
Please accept these simple words
from this girl from Tennessee.

You gave me a date with a stranger.
It didn't go too far,
But at least I got to ride
in Heidi's former car.

And then you gave me music
in the form of mp3s
from new blog friends and relatives
and one of Kelly Clarkson's new cds.

You brought out my obsession
with a thing called blogpatrol.
I had to stop my tracking spreadsheet
because I was getting out of control.
Recording IP addresses,
tallying times and cities and states...
This became unhealthy,
constantly checking for new updates.

You fired up former friendships
And brought me closer to Clete,
who turned me on to blogging
in her blog group of the elite.
There are so many names I could mention
of those for whom friendship I now feel,
but I'll just mention the best thing I got from you,
and that is definitely Neil.

So on my blogiversary
of my first year with you,
"How Am I Doin'?", you've given me so much,
I just hope you love me, too.

Name That Song

The Rules:

1. Please DO NOT guess in the comment section! E-mail me (see my profile page for my e-mail address).
2. Please do not look up the answer...I really send a prize, so be honest and fair.
3. Previous winners may still play.
4. Be the FIRST to e-mail me with the correct song title & artist and win.
Good Luck!

This month's lyric is:

"I came into this world as a reject
Look into these eyes
Then you'll see the size of the flames"

Clean Sweep

I had a traumatic Saturday. While doing my summer clothes/winter clothes closet switchout, I had my bi-annual "I'm a materialistic sinner" feelings. This time I decided that I needed to rid of some things (which Carly has really been pushing me to do for awhile).

Normally I like to get things weeded out and trimmed down, but with my clothes it is a different story. I feel like I need a lot of options and what if, for example, I were to buy a skirt later and I'd already gotten rid of a shirt that would have gone perfectly with it, just because I didn't have anything to go with it at the time?? These hypothetical outfits rule my emotions when it comes to getting rid of my clothes. Anyway, I was all worked up and having a hard time, but still making some serious headway through the Rubbermaid bins piled high in my room. I started a Goodwill pile and an Undecided pile. If I hadn't worn something in a long time, I tried it on. This proved to be even more upsetting...all the trying on and staring at yourself all day in the mirror.

Ultimately, the deciding factor became: tears welling up in my eyes while trying on an item = Goodwill pile.

At least 6 hours into this process of moving bins from the basement to the second floor, going through all of them, folding, hanging, trying on, crying, re-organizing closet, etc...I was proud of myself for moving the entire "Undecided" pile into the Goodwill pile with the exception of one pair of shoes I decided to keep (but I did buy them in London, even if they do look like grandma shoes).

I'm sure you will be truly amazed, and warranted in your judgment of me, when I tell you that my closet is still busting at the seams even after donating the following EIGHTY-ONE ITEMS to Goodwill:

1 apron
1 hat
1 dress
1 fleece pullover
1 dress coat
1 leather jacket
1 pair of shorts
1 pair of Grandma pajamas
2 skirts
3 pairs of jeans
3 fleece vests
5 sweaters
7 pairs of capris
8 pairs of slacks
8 pairs of shoes
37 shirts/blouses.

I hoped that after a good night's rest, the whole thing would pass and I would feel great that I had gotten rid of so much stuff. And I did!

And I hoped that Sunday being Fast Sunday would help me to feel a little thinner and better about myself after the disturbing hours of trying on clothes and staring at myself in the mirror on Saturday. And it did!

Well, at least until I didn't care about how I looked anymore when I was totally humiliated in Sunday School. It was 5:00p.m. (yes, I have church from 3-6) and my stomach growled SO LOUDLY that everyone within a 3 person/row radius turned around to look at me. People were laughing. Shoulders were shaking. But the worst was when a stranger across the aisle and a few rows forward turned back to look at me while tapping his ear and mouthed the words, "I heard that. WOW!"

Shining, Gleaming, Streaming, Flaxen, Waxen

Roses are red
I love my new hairdo.
At my stylist's hair station,
Open beer bottles: 2

Roses are red
My grandma will flip
She only likes long hair
even though my new style is hip.

Roses are red
Need a saltine for your wine?
Check out this new blog
by a good boss of mine.