All in a Day's Work

Today I came to an upsetting realization. Despite the fact that I joke about the place I work and the ridiculous things that go on there all the time, I think I am just as crazy as everyone else. I came to this conclusion when I was thinking about the fact that when I'm alone in the elevator and the doors are about to open, I stick a key in between the two doors as if I were opening them myself.

The second piece of evidence came when I remembered that I often press a piece of Scotch tape onto the back of my left hand. I leave it there for awhile, then remove it and examine my skin pattern on the sticky side and then throw it away. I don't know why I do this and it took awhile before I even realized I was doing it that frequently.

And finally, you know how---sometimes when people are bowing after a performance and they do that flitty hand circle thing while they lower their arm?---well sometimes I do that when I answer my phone at work. And I did do that today when I took the following call from a stranger.

The stranger talked for awhile then asked if I am a lawyer or just a paralegal. When I told him I am neither, he asked, "Why? Didn't you finish school?" I told him I did indeed go to school, but not law school and, in fact, have never had a desire to be a lawyer. "What is your name then?" he asked. I told him my first name (which is of Greek origin) and he said, "Are you Latina?" I told him I am not, to which he replied, "Well, I think you should go to medical school." "OK" was all I could come up with.

After a little more chatting on his part, he gave me his address. Now, I don't really need his address and I couldn't really understand everything he said, so I knew I was in trouble when he asked me to repeat his address back to him. Luckily I had gotten everything down except the city, so I just asked, "What city did you say again?" to which he said something I, again, could not understand. "Rabbledabble?" I asked. "NO! RABBLEDABBLE!" he exclaimed. By which, I later found out, he meant Riverdale. And that was that. I think it may be time for this gentleman to seize the title of Very Good Question Asker.

My Top 10 Childhood Heroines (Or Sheilas Who Taught Me a Thing or Two)

When you're a nerd like me
Raised on AMC
these are the ladies
You want to grow up to be...

10. Sandra Dee



9. Natalie Wood



8. Maureen O'Hara



7. Grace Kelly



6. Betty Grable



5. Lucille Ball



4. Marilyn Monroe



3. Hayley Mills



2. Rita Hayworth



1. Esther Williams





Honorable Mentions: Lauren Bacall, Katherine Hepburn, Annette Funicello

More Numbers

# of minutes spent in conversation about Church Hymns on Wednesday: 80

# of minutes spent deciding whether "Forever Your Girl" or "Cold Hearted Snake" is better: 13

# of times did robot to violin part of "Cold Hearted Snake" while deciding: 1

# of cell phone minutes used in the last 30 days: over 3300

# of people have accosted at church activities this week to discuss my hair: 3

# of those people who were total strangers that I freaked out: 1

# of pics of Mandy Moore's hair saved to computer today: 7

# of tears shed when realized am freak annoying everyone with hair talk: 35

# of dollars fined by library for overdue book: "Clouds Without Rain: An Ohio Amish Mystery" (hmmm, that's not really ringing a bell): 3

# of phonecalls received from mother yesterday: 5

# of voicemails left yesterday by mother using disguised voice: 1

# of minutes before the end of the workday yesterday my boss called and told me "just do these things and then head out early!": 90

# of minutes after the end of the workday still at work doing what he asked: 47

# of times said "OH. MY. GOSH!" during The Apprentice last night: 19

# of dreams had about having Omaha Steaks in a chinese airport: 1

# of dreams had about meeting Brad Pitt, asking for his autograph and receiving not only his autograph, but also a catalog he had gone through and circled things I might like, as well as a portable stereo: 1

# of days I have to return Jury Duty questionnaire: 10

# of matinees will see today: 2

# of those matiness that will star Lil Bow Wow: 1

And I'm off to have a mad crunk time on my free day! Latah suckahs!

I'm Hungry (But Not as Hungry as Renee)

Inspired by Reese Witherspoon's hair in Just Like Heaven (the only inspiring thing in that movie), I used a curling iron yesterday for the first time in about 6 years. Unfortunately, my hair didn't turn out like hers, AND I was told by 3 different people at church that my dress looked like a Barbie doll. Frankly, I didn't know how to take that. It doesn't seem like anyone meant it as an insult, but it really wasn't what I was going for either.

At church, the Very Good Question Asker approached me to compliment my lipstick. I like her. I mean I don't really know her, but she seems quirky and nice. And when she was talking to me, I thought, "I bet she would be fun to be friends with, but now I have gone and ruined my chances."

I could just delete every mention of her on my blog, but then the anonymous commenter and friend of VGQA would always know about it and I would be living a lie. Maybe I could confess to her and ask her forgiveness and tell her that I think she gave a great lesson in Relief Society a couple of weeks ago and that I think she is quirky and nice and want to be friends with her...that I really meant no harm but was just looking for some funny blodder. She seems forgiving, especially after she made a comment in Relief Society yesterday about a courageous confession she had to make in the 8th grade. She could read my blog and we could be friends who link arms and hold our heads back and laugh together. It just seems like the kind of person she is.

So, in summary:

1. Saw Just Like Heaven which I thought was going to be ridiculous. And was even more ridiculous than I expected. Liked Reese's hair (when she was alive and not spirit), tried to copy, but instead ended up looking like girl with hair from 80's wearing dress made for doll.
2. Realized have ruined chances of friendship through blogging.

AND:

3. Washed car myself in driveway. Did such terrible job on windexing front window that can barely see out of it now.
4. Had dinner of 1 box Kraft Mac & Cheese combined with 1 can chili. It was good, despite what some food snobs (Neil) think.
5. Felt my "Name that Song" contest was so important that, when internet failed at home, went to library (unshowered in shorts, t-shirt, flip flops and pony tail) and waited in line to use the internet.
6. Was surprisingly excited to hear Sara Evans cover of Bruce Hornsby's "Every Little Kiss" on album checked out at library.
7. Took 3 naps Saturday.
8. Ate 3 donuts Sunday. (FYI: THIS is the first pic that comes up when you search google images for "Krispy Kreme.")
9. Heard about Renee and Kenny's breakup. Was anyone surprised after she got married in that dress with a giant buckle on the bottom?
10. Carly and I reminisced about the first time we studied together...during which I ate a chili dog and she me told that she was an expert at browning hamburger meat. We immediately made plans to move in together.

The End.

Name That Song

The Rules:

1. Please DO NOT guess in the comment section! E-mail me (see my profile page for my e-mail address).
2. Please do not look up the answer...I really send a prize, so be honest and fair.
3. Previous winners may still play.
4. Be the FIRST to e-mail me with the correct song title & artist and win.
Good Luck!

This month's lyric is:

"Can you look out the window without your shadow getting in the way?"

O Mi'Amica Cara!

Tanti auguri a te!

Spero che ricevi tutti dei tuoi desideri oggi. Spero che tu incontri Bono oggi, questa e il mio desiderio per te. Se l'averai visto, dici a lui "Ti Amo" molte volte e forsi lui indossa overalls rosso (come il tuo sogno). (Anche spero che nessuno che potere parlare italiano molto bene legge questa perche non ricordo molto.)

Sei non e vecchia ma sarai giovane tutti tuoi giorni.

Se saro in Tucson, bacchi tu dalla testa. Solo Mike puo baciare la tua bella bocca (anche non voglio baciati come questa).

Mi dispiace che il tuo regalo e piu tardi. Spero che l'arriva in breve tempo.

Ti voglio benissimo. Tanti Auguri, Tanti Auguri, Tanti Auguri!

Business in the Front, Party in the Back

This morning I got in the elevator and there was a really tall woman with a really serious mullet in there with me. I tried not to stare but her hair was like this in the front:



and SUPERLONG in the back..which I know is the definition of a mullet--but hers was unusually short AND unusually long.

She had on some cute sandals and when I told her I liked them, she scooted over to me and whispered, "Payless, Girl!" But I have learned my lesson about Payless sandals. They may be cheap but because they are cheap they are prone to stinkiness. I have had many an instant message conversation with Carrie that went something like:
M: "Hyd?" C: "G, but I'm wearing my MBC's (Montego Bay Club Collection) today, so watch out."

The thing is, the mullet lady probably wasn't too impressed with my hair either. Monday I came back to a house with no air conditioning and it was HOT in there. We are getting a new unit today, but for the last 2 nights I have showered at night and slept with wet hair. So my hair has been really soft because I have no product in it, but that also means it's pretty flat. Luckily I can give it a little poof by sporting my sunglasses as a headband all day at work.

And even after all my blog talk (and non-blog talk) about my hair, I STILL haven't had a haircut. I really should just do something about it since I was even tempted by an email that came out over my ward listserve today from a girl who will cut your hair for $5. (And I think I probably look like I NEED a haircut since I was asked recently, "Is it because of money? Because I can give you some money.")

Lastly, speaking of party in the back, I would like to welcome back to blogging from his 2 month hiatus, the one and only Skewedview (who had a ponytail for years).

Happy Birthday, Boss.

There once was a man named Neil.
For him, today's a big deal.
His birthday has come.
Now give him some rum
To go with his home-cooked meal.

Stuck on you like a bad tattoo,
The Trailer Park Gourmet

Do You Think I'm Crazy?

-Today I got an email from Jesus and all it said was "I know you are ready." I don't know exactly what He meant, but it made me feel good.

-Also today I saw a man in the grocery store with a T-shirt on that said "My Tax Lady Loves Me" with a Glamour Shot of his Tax Lady on it.

-Last night, before I realized what I was saying, I told a friend of mine her chest looked good in the shirt she was wearing.

-I got a lot of reading done during my 10 hours at the pool over Labor Day Weekend. It was sort of hard to concentrate yesterday though with the 10-year-old, earring-wearing, male Asian twins next to me who were sharing an iPod and singing along with "Hit Me Baby One More Time" over and over as they gradually scooted their lounge chairs closer to me.

-I was almost late to church on Sunday because I couldn't tear myself away from the mixed CD I was listening to in the car.

-This weekend I rented "What the Bleep Do We Know?" from Blockbuster.

-I LOVE Milky Way Midnight candy bars, but I prefer just to call them Milky Way Darks. Even though Milky Way Darks are my favorite, I have a Bite Size Snickers every night before I go to sleep. Did you know you can talk for an hour and a half about only candy bars without running out of things to say?

-I regularly get static interference on my computer speakers. But for the last couple of weeks, I only get get static noise that sounds like the tune of "The William Tell Overture."

-My boss considers it unacceptable when he calls in and I tell him he has no messages.

-I have made a blogpatrol tracking spreadsheet in Excel which occupies a lot of my time.

Vote for my Ringtone

After getting a new cell phone, I lost my old ringtone-- the theme from "I Dream of Jeannie." Now I have a new phone and am currently using the "Shanghai" ring which is nothing to be proud of.

Help me! I have so many choices, I can't decide on a new ringtone. I need to spend my $2.49 wisely so take a minute and imagine my phone bursting out into one of the following (and you know some would be funny) and then vote for your choice (or if you have any suggestions I will check if they are available) from those I've narrowed it down to:

1. Baby Hold On - Eddie Money
2. Baby One More Time - Britney
3. Celebration - Kool & the Gang
4. Crazy in Love - Beyonce
5. Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car - Billy Ocean
6. Heart of Glass - Blondie
7. Hey Ya - Outkast
8. Hungry Eyes - Eric Carmen
9. I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) - The Proclaimers
10. Raise Up - Petey Pablo
11. Rock Your Body - Justin Timberlake
12. She Works Hard for the Money - Donna Summer
13. Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson
14. This is Such a Pity - Weezer

And All the Sunshine Banishes the Dark

Have you seen So You Think You Can Dance? Somehow a couple of weeks ago I watched it because I was bored and lazy and there wasn't anything else on. Well, I developed some really strong feelings about one of the dancers: Snow. I wanted her eliminated. First I was telling anyone who would listen about how much I hated Snow..then the following week I found myself voting to keep her on. Go Snow!

Yes, I watched it again. And yes, I even voted the second time.

The show is comical at best and I've got a lot of bones to pick with it. I mean, I hate all the judges, the host, most of the dancers, and the format and length of the show. What do I like about it? Well, I like seeing them pair up a break dancer and a tap dancer and make them do the Mambo. And I get a good laugh over the elimination segment when everyone is crying...those eliminated, those not eliminated but who will miss them, as well as the crackpot judges.

It's one of those shows that's so bad it's good. Like Summerland. And I think I'll ride them both out, at least for the summer.

I'm sad to see the summer go. It's hard for me to say goodbye to the long days, the pool, the tan, the summer clothes...And so I've declared this week "All White All Week" so I can get one last use out of the things I won't be wearing after Labor Day. Actually, no one at work has said a word about my wardrobe choices this week. Maybe they think I'm just going to nursing school at night.

Why You Should Want to Be Friends with Roxy Porthole

She once thought she had a butt concussion.

She is no respecter of candies. When I told her this (because she loves all candy equally), she replied, "Hey! I respect candy a lot!"

I call her Momma and she calls me Baby. She also calls me Sally and Sammy Davis, Jr.

She is the perfect height to give a little kiss on the top of her head.

Whenever she gives you a book, she autographs it as if she were the author.

Her run-in with Omar.

Roxy knows how to have a good time. Every once in awhile we would have "Free Weekend" together--where we could only spend $10 max all weekend. After I won some free tickets to the Legg Mason Tennis Classic by writing some Roses are Red poems, we went and shared a bottle of water that we continued filling up in the bathroom sink. (Hey! that water was expensive!) After cheering for our "boyfriend" tennis players, discussing our feelings about 1/2 mesh shirts and getting REALLY REALLY hot, we headed home via the metro on which we almost got separated. We stood there staring at each other, each on the opposite side of a closed train door. And when the door re-opened for a second, I hopped on and there was a huge embarrassing scene of rejoicing...until we realized we were on the wrong train.

We had a pineapple explosion in her car at Virginia Beach that scared the living daylights out of us.

She calls Shotzy and me "Hot Patrol" because we like to comment when people are wearing clothes that are too warm to be worn in the Summer, like their coats in August at church for example. This is totally unrelated to the fact that every Sunday at church I used to startle her by pretending to lift up her skirt in front of everyone.

She will watch anything on TV. Anything.

I used to highlight her hair, which eventually led to me highlighting her co-worker's hair. But once on a dye job gone awry--Roxy's hair ended up a lovely shade of plum.

We made a huge Easter feast that could have fed about 15 people. We ate it all alone in our Easter dresses in the Living Room at a card table so we could watch "The Ten Commandments" on TV. Roxy had never seen it, and I will say she has now seen all of it except for the last 10 minutes...but that's not my fault.

After Roxy moved away, she mailed me her "mummy shirt" because she knew I loved it.

In the mornings, we now commonly have IM conversations in which we try to outdo each other concerning who looks more ridiculous that day, analyzing our outfits, makeup and hair. Yesterday when I told Roxy that as I had looked in the mirror that morning I thought, "Maybe I don't like being tan and blonde anymore because I'm starting to look like one of those buxom blonde porn stars who I think are so ugly," Roxy immediately typed in the IM window "NO NO." I expected her to follow with "NO NO. You don't look like that" but instead I got "NO NO. They are pretty."

Roxy, IMY. Love, Punkmonkey

Memories are Made of This

Despite the fact that I have occasionally been called Sammy Davis, Jr. by Roxy, the Rat Pack member I adore is Dean Martin. This may explain why one Saturday night a couple of months ago I came extrememly close to ordering the entire series of "The Dean Martin Variety Show." Having thoroughly enjoyed an hour long informercial from 1:00-2:00am showing clips that made me laugh outloud, I hurried to the computer to log on and check it out. You see, I had learned the hard way back in college about ordering things over the phone.

I don't remember all the events leading up to my making a phonecall to order the video "Thin Thighs." But I do remember that I was not thwarted from my eagerness in ordering nor giving my credit card number to a woman on the other end of the phone who kept asking, "Thin what? You saw this on TV? And how much did you say the commercial said it was?" I'll just end that story by telling you that the "Thin Thighs" video I ordered ended up being TWO "Thin Thighs" videos, TWO "Tight Buns" videos, TWO "Rock Hard Abs" videos, as well as TWO bottles of vitamins sent monthly. All were later taken care of through my credit card claims department. Anyway, I blame the boyfriend I had when I was 16 who told the missionaries at church that I had big thighs (he later claimed this was a compliment) for this whole debacle anyway.

So there I was at 2:15am: Sitting at the computer and contemplating a membership wherein I would periodically receive 3 episodes of Dean Martin's variety show for something like $19.99 a month---probably for the rest of my life. Luckily I came to my senses, decided to sleep on it and never placed that order.

In conclusion, I will mention the strangest and most embarrassing thing I ever ordered online. Please take into consideration that I was 19 at the time, [apparently] uncouth, and what I did for fun were things like staying up all night playing Encore, feeding handicapped ducks and even burning feather boas in half. Okay that was KAREN CARPENTER burning MY feather boa...but what's done is done and I really harbor no hard feelings since we were able to tie it back together.

Anyway, somehow I came across a " remote-controlled machine" that made unpleasant sounds (and I'll leave it at that) on some sort of jokes/pranks website. I ordered it and we had a lot of laughs with it. I don't remember whose brilliant idea it was, but the next thing I knew, this machine was our makeshift doorbell. With the remote control glued to the outside of the doorframe just under the sign that said "Please Ring Bell," we were able to have a laugh riot anytime we had a visitor. Hmm, maybe not such a bad investment at all.

Just Keep Your Eyes on My Backside

In the mornings, all things are trumped by the fact that I want to sleep longer---eating breakfast, allowing the proper time for getting ready, etc. And in the end, allowing the proper time for getting ready usually trumps leaving for work on time. Except for today--although I still didn't leave for work on time, I did not get ready properly either.

I strictly adhere to our casual dress policy at work. But I have learned the hard way that on Wednesdays, when my boss is stacked with regular meetings, I could be called on at a moment's notice to hop in a cab and accompany him or even go in his stead, and so I've learned to dress accordingly. Today I am thankful that I have been allowed to remain in my office because I only ironed the back of my dress this morning. I did think the back was the front when I ironed it and that the back (front) didn't look so bad and so I skipped it altogether in the interest of time. Not until the iron was unplugged and cooled and it was time for me to be at work, did I stand before the mirror and see that my dress was full of wrinkles. But on the bright side, I look great from behind.

I know I have a problem. I'm like a little kid when it comes to going to bed; I just don't want to. I don't want to miss out on any of the fun at night, or, as is more often the case, I'm postponing getting up the next day and heading back to the office. And this is a far cry from the days of yesteryear when Schatze and Roxy used to tease me because I would brush my teeth and wash my face during commercial breaks, all because I thought I needed to be asleep EXACTLY 8 hours before I had to get up. I was obsessed with this down to the minute and would start panicking when 11:03 came and I was wide awake and I knew my alarm would be going off at 7:01. I just don't know where I went wrong along the way.

Anyway, the thing about my problem that torments me the most is the fact that I just don't have time for cereal. I have confined myself to a life of on-the-go-breakfasts of cereal bars, bananas, yogurts, etc...when all I wish I had in my life was a little cereal. Yum. Now if I could just bring myself to stop getting back in my bed after my shower for a little nap, I would have plenty of time to fulfill this dream. And I might even look okay from the front every once in awhile.

What the? Part II

As a follow up to my "God Bless You, Little Grace" post....check this article out.

The World is Collapsing Around Our Ears

I've heard complaints about commercial radio from a couple of people lately. And believe me, I totally understand where they are coming from. Commercial radio is doing us peeps wrong, fo shizzle. However, I would like to name a few reasons why I won't throw in the towel yet.

Kelly Clarkson: The radio is really the only chance I'm going to have to hear "Since You've Been Gone" since I don't really plan on buying her CD. I know. I know. iTunes. iPod. I'm just not ready for that yet. This song came on the radio on my trip a couple of weeks ago and I tried really hard to listen to it, even though I had to ignore my grandmother who was talking to me on the phone at the time.

Radio Contests: I have radio station phone numbers programmed into my cell phone. And a radio contest inspired my trip to the Dominican Republic last year (which I bought myself after I didn't win 3x a day for 2 weeks). But I have won: an REM Monster CD (which is missing), a Billy Myers CD (who?), and Mormon Tabernacle Choir concert tickets.

The Celebrity Scoop: Since Schatze's subscription to People ended and my MSN-Entertainment-article-reading time has almost diminished, the only link I have to Brangelina, Bennifer and TomKat is what I hear on my morning drive or read in grocery store checkout line. (Did anyone see that pic of Annette Funicello on the cover of the Globe??)

Revelation: One morning as I listened to the radio while getting ready for work, I believe I had a moment of inspired revelation which came to me through Roxette and the lyrics of "Listen to Your Heart."

Glen Hollis: After learning that Delilah wasn't broadcast around here, I turned to the local soft rock radio host who does love song dedications in the evenings. His show's motto: "Everything he touches turns to love."




And I ask you: how could it not?





Last week on his show, I heard not one, but two different dedications of "Everything I Do, I Do It For You" by Bryan Adams. When I heard the first one, I was alone in my car and said outloud, "Awesome." And on Wednesday, I sat in the grocery store parking lot, risking running out of gas, just so I could listen to "Lady" by Kenny Rogers. I mean, it doesn't really get better than that.

Name That Song...Continued

Okay peeps...here are more lyrics from the Name That Song that no one has been able to solve.

Hopefully this will bring someone across the finish line....

"Come back again
I want you to stay next time"

Name This Song

Here are the same rules as last time:
Alright, everyone, it's time for Name That Song again. I would like to mention that previous winners can win again. No one has won twice so I thought I would make that clear. And anonymous readers out there, feel free to play too!

I really do mail the winner a prize, so please be honest and fair and don't ruin the fun by looking up the answer. (Terri, sorry you haven't gotten your prize yet. I did buy it before I left on my trip, but never made it to the post office...going today!!)

The first person to email me (my e-mail can be found through my profile page) with the correct song title and artist wins. Good luck.

This month's lyric is:

A home's the most excellent place of all
And I'll be right here if you should call me

The Good Times Are Killing Me

When you drive across the country, music is going to be an important factor. So it's a good thing Neil has an iPod. And because he downloaded the music from my computer onto it the night before we left, it makes me smile to think that someday when he's listening to it in his car and he has it on random select, "The Right Stuff" by New Kids on the Block might come on.

But really I only had that song downloaded back from my days in the CD making business with Camelio Estevez. And I use the term "business" loosely. At EAR (Earth Angel Recordings), we only put money INTO the business. And our logo consisted of an angel sitting in a tree in the sky looking down on the earth. VERY clever. We put out 8 CDs total: a copy of "D.C. FSOF (Frisbee Summer of Fun) 2001" for each of the 7 participants in the FSOF and one wedding CD for a friend, who probably would have been more satisfied with a Tabernacle Choir CD. I would also like to add that on 7/8 of our CDs, we misspelled our own business name: Eearth Angel Recordings.

On the coast-to-coast trip, we made a pit stop in Winnemucca, NV. This is what happened there: I walked into the restroom where a middle aged woman was bent over right by the door when you walked in wearing nothing but her bra and panties. She jumped up and I avoided eye contact as she apologized for having no clothes on because her zipper had broken. That must have been some zipper.

When I came out of the restroom, I had to duck under a large neon yellow pole that had been put in the doorway at chest level with a CLOSED sign on it so the bathroom could be cleaned by a man who looked like this:

So while I was recounting the story of my shocking bathroom encounter, a woman walked right into the huge neon yellow pole and sign. And it was funny. Very funny. Almost as funny as when Neil walked directly into a waist-high pole at San Francisco State while checking out some dude's "backpack."

And as we drove away from Winnemucca, I was given the penance of listening to 5 minutes of Christian Rock for the $5 in quarters I lost in the slots during the redneck truck stop visit.

Now I would like to mention some food highlights of the trip:

1. Sausage Dogs, the Rodmans' house, Newton Falls, OH.
2. Peanut Brittle Sundae, Hickory Park, Ames, IA.
3. Chocolate Milk & Bananas, Fareway (?), Winterset, IA.
4. Tater Tots & Cheese, Sonic, Cheyenne, WY.
5. Salad Trio, Farmington, UT
6. Burger & Fry Sauce, Atlantis Burger, Bountiful, UT.
7. Filet Mignon, Ruby River, Provo, UT.
8. Rooty Tooty Fresh 'n' Fruity, IHOP, Sandy, UT.
9. Dessert Lunch, Kacy and Christan's, Provo, UT.
10.Grilled Cheese & Coke, JC's, Bear River City, UT
11.Buttermilk Fried Chicken, Farmington, UT.
12.Sausage & Prosciutto Tortellini, Pasta Pomodoro, San Bruno, CA.
13.In and Out Cheeseburger Combo followed by 2 Krispy Kremes (but one WAS a sample), Daly City, CA.
14.Repeat of #13.
15.Sausage Dog, Farmer's Market, South San Francisco, CA.
16.BLT, Boardwalk Court, San Bruno, CA.
17.Most Delicious Breakfast Ever, Boardwalk Court, San Bruno, CA.
18.Ribeye, Roasted Okra, Tomatoes & Fruit Cobbler, Boardwalk Court, San Bruno, CA.

Yes, I gained 5 pounds on this trip. And no, I haven't done anything about my hair although it was discussed at length with Carly when she sneaked into my room at her mother's house for some chitchat at 2 a.m. after everyone had gone to bed.

Now all I need is a two-week vacation to recuperate from my two-week vacation.

Hair: An Important Topic

Before my former hairdresser Lyla moved to San Diego, I went to her faithfully and she always did a great job. We even discussed my hair icon Gwyneth Paltrow together. Now, I'm in no way disillusioned into thinking that I look like her. At all. Let's face it, when you, even jokingly, have been called boyface and then later in life, manface, it's impossible to see yourself in any Gwyneth way. And I have been told I look like my dad and my maternal grandfather--who are nice-looking, but MEN. Not unlike Gwyneth in Shakespeare in Love:



Anyway, what I will say about her is that we have the same hair type. We both have a lot of thin blonde hair. And thank goodness we have a lot, since it is thin (but I AM thickening mine with Mane & Tail Shampoo--love it love it love it). By choosing Gwyneth as a hair icon, this keeps me from becoming deceived into thinking I could pull off some haircut I see on a course-haired brunette that might ultimately leave me in tears. So basically the only thing I need to resist succumbing to is thinking I will leave the hairdresser's looking LIKE Gwyneth Paltrow, which I think I have finally mastered.

It has been over a year since Lyla left town and I began cutting my own hair. It has been fine because basically I never think my hair looks that good, so I might as well do it myself for free if I can get it to look acceptable, right? Well, it's time for a cut/trim again and so hair has been on my mind a lot. I mean, there's no telling how much time in the last 7 or 8 years I have spent looking up pics online of Gwyneth's hair. Nor can I tell you how many times I've had the Sliding Doors cut:



I don't really have a picture of myself with that cut, but you saw me with shorter hair in a previous post.

But basically, right now my hair looks (a little) like Gwyneth's in this picture. (Sorry about the link, but IMDB is so stingy with their photos!) Okay, it's not exactly the same, but you get the idea.

Plus in that picture I am, I mean Gwyneth is with Michael Douglas, who coincidentally is married to Catherine Zeta Jones. I remember seeing CZJ for the first time in The Mask of Zorro and thinking how beautiful she was--and then immediately being offended by my dark-haired grandmother who was with me when she leaned over and whispered, "I just really think dark-haired women are so much prettier than blonde ones." The fact that my instant message persona/screen name/pic is now Catherine Zeta Jones probably stems from that very day.

I really don't know what my dilemma is right now, I'm not planning on heading back to the short hair department yet. Maybe someday when I get too old to be able to pull off long hair and I start debating a perm...but for now should I go a little shorter? is medium length hair ever a good idea on me (all pictures point to no)? just keep going a little longer? keep going a lot longer? do I need bangs?

I get so confused when I look at pictures like these:






Someone tell me what to do.

Next, I would like to discuss a very personal topic with all of you out there on the internet. You see, I have a very low hairline in the back. I know. I'm not proud of it. When I got my first short haircut, I realized my low hairline wasn't going to cut it when the back of my new haircut was going to look somewhat like this:



It was at this point, that the hairdresser shaved the back of my neck (just like the man[face] that I am), moving my hairline up a little. I was horrified and shocked and embarrassed, even after learning it wasn't totally uncommon for short-haired women to do this.

And I was even more horrified and shocked and embarrassed than I am everytime I have my eyebrows waxed and the woman says, "You want a lip wax too?" No, I don't want a lip wax. Do I need one? Why is she even saying it? I think maybe she is just trying to make more money, especially since I have heard her ask the same thing of others who don't need a lip wax. But still, I did pause to consider if I really need one when she said to a woman on Friday "You want an eyebrow wax too?" and that woman really did need some eyebrow help.

But now back to the even worse topic of neck hair: Even now that I have longer hair, I haven't given up the shaving practice. It makes me feel a little better to have a higher hairline on the back of my neck, even if it is at the expense of having to maintain it and feel manly about doing it. Plus growing it out and it getting too prickly seems even worse. Anyway, it's something I think about a lot.

Gosh, there are so many questions about the length of my hair, the placing of my hairline, the amount of hair on my face and I haven't even touched the pros and cons of highlights...ahh well, another day perhaps.

Anyway, if I have upset you or grossed you out or sent you over the edge and you don't want to read my blog anymore because I'm suddenly Marcy Manly to you, I'll understand. I'll still be here alone with my hair obsessions, shaving my neck and thanking Heaven that Gwyneth is older than me so that I can follow her right into her old-age hair decisions.